FISH | Yet another crossroad

Remember Gandhiji's Talisman ? that used to appear on the inside of Text book covers ....
I never understood what it meant, and still dont fully.

Baz luhrman said that, the most interesting people he had met , never knew what to do with their lives.

For sometime, i have been wanting to work on a Web Application, which would be accessed by lot of people .. from all over the world, for information exchange. Examples, Mouthshut.com, irctc...Ultimately it has to be accessed by the mass and not the business executives who use it to make business decisions. The purpose should be faster access to valuable information. I think working a site like irctc would give an additional kick when i am back home .. 'yeah! How many people must have used my site to book a ticket ?', apart from the obvious technological challenges.

I just had a telefonic interview . Man, i cant talk! 'jab ba bab a' .. 'blu blu .. Ba ba ba ', 'aaaa' , 'mmmmm'. Shit !!! I always had a problem with talking to strangers. For eg. When you are travelling in a cab, especially with a lady, if you keep mum, the situation becomes increasingly hostile. I know that. There is an imaginary ice-wall building up, which would be set on fire very soon.

And so what happened is that i made it thru, i mean the fone call. And so I am on yet another cross road. Damn! I am so bad at making decisions .. And even 'badder' at sticking to those which i made.

So the cross road is something like this.
A great company with average work. Great potential to grow up the ladder, both technically (though not the technology of my choice), up the corporate ladder, as well as a gentleman. I am learning to say 'hi' to strangers in the elevator , and not wondering how the elevator works. I believe i have a great oppurtunity of grooming myself, if i stick to this place.
Ok, so next up is the dubai thing, a job thru a consultant , where everyday would be almost predictable, and developers with 6 years experience sit and code. Apart from the hazard that i would dive deeper into my cozy den of being a lone developer ( because i would be working in a terribly small team), there are also other dangers like the company imposing a 'ban' on me , if i quit, blah blah blah. Politics would be at its highest level, but eventually , my bank balance would be good (not excellent) and *everyone would be happy.

I did try to imagine myself, 1 year.. 1 and a half year .. 2 year later. Terribly small vision, but even that was a stress! It all got so complicated, and i decided to write it down or even prepare a FISH bone diagram. Oops! Didnt work out.

And today, my good friend who referred me to the overseas oppurtunity came up to me and said "would you stay back if you were offered some work on SAP ?". Maybe i take everything seriously, or maybe i dont have the capacity of deciding whats serious enough. Now, work on the SAP intiative, would really be cool , the training itself is worth atleast a lakh rupees, and a year later , if i am good enough, i could be really valuable consultant. I could even find some time to film 'Night' , my two year dream project.

The last couple of months have been like , breaking out of a cocoon , and boy , i forgot to read the 'how to fly' manual. Aargh! Bad example .. Trying to be funny heh ? .

Balz is working like a dog. Yeah, i used to do that during december 2003 to february 2004. Then again in November 2005. Man , that was the toughest. My team lead went onsite and voila! I had to take care of the app (2 months development) going live ! . The pressure almost crumbled me .. One day before the release we started testing .. 2 days of testing for 2 months development ! Ofcourse , things crashed and i and ramnath had to scroll thru the entire code in the wee hours of morning. At 4 am , i just blacked out. At 9 am , when my pm visited office, he saw me with watery eyes, came to me and asked "is everything alright?". "Perfect", i said. Luckily, the project went live (and the bugs were not discovered until one month). Yeah, it was pressure and stress, but in the end, thats the best project on my resume, 'cause i knew it inside out.

Ok, i have said enuf for one blog! Rest of the crap in the next one !