Thursday, December 29, 2005

dead dreams and the comatose ones

That was my thought yesterday. Even composed a hideous poem on that. It would have been a sad thought, but i no longer feel that way about such things. I thought of the simple dreams that gives me joy all the time, and i see them dying in my mind, systematically, instead of getting full filled. I know there are a huge number of them, and the worst part is that the dead are easily forgotten. The movie wayward cloud, kinda touched me in the inside, since it brought back the memories of a dead dream and another one which is on the way to death, in a comma. Dead cannnot be revived but the ones in comma like the second one gets alive in such situations. I came out of the theatre so happy because of that, while the other people were kinda disturbed by the climax scenes.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

wayward cloud (explicit graphic content - so careful)

Acute water shortage. No water to bath or clean yourself. Mineral water costlier than watermelons and so water melons form the mood of the city. The scene showing a bunch of water melons floating down the drainage canal.

The Girl
The quintessential and so lovely oriental girl. Always wearing simple or skimpy clothes. Steals bottles of water from every where and stacks them up in her apartment.
Walks with the watermelon inside her dress like a pregnant woman and later gives birth to the water melon. The scene is a treasure.

The Guy
Makes a living by acting in porno movies. Has a mid movie crisis when his member stops rising to the occasions. Helps the girl in getting her key back, which was lost and found inside a newly tarred road. Falls in love with the girl. Shows us his talents in fishing out the lost mineral water top from a coactorsÂ’ body.

Interactions between the guy and girl.
The girl sitting in a chair, the guy lying down on the floor, a puff of smoke from the boys mouth caresses the girls feet.
The camera showing the leg level of the kitchen. The girl standing on a inverted bucket trying to get the live crabs which are spilled on the floor back to the boiling water. Hilarious. And the guy helps her in the mission.
Keeps staring at each other. Silent interactions.Girl giggling. Uninhibited happiness in each others company.

Tense moments
When the theatre is filled with hundreds of men, and we are seeing the shooting of a hardcore porn movie on the big screen, obviously there is a lot of tension in the air. Hundreds of erections.

Water on the erections
When they continues the shooting with the unconscious woman actor(may be because of thirst) in different poses, with the guy showing his stamina, and with the girl as the witness. The scene leads to the climax which is unexplainable and I am not spoiling it.

Maddest climax and an original movie :)

Monday, December 26, 2005


B.M.I (Body Mass Index) : 23.9 Ideal: 20-25
Fat Index: 17.9% Ideal: 10.2%-20.8%
Fat Mass: 12.3kg Ideal: 7.0kg-14.3kg
Blood Pressure: 132/84 mmHg Ideal: upto 140/90 mmHg
Pulses: 72 ppm (true saint ;-)

Also, we are soon closing on the upper limit/barrier.
So, This is the best time of our lives. Hallelujah! and Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

An Unzipped zipper and series of Unfortunate Events.

Cough .. Cough cough cough ..
Thick clot of brown mucous on the white basin.. Nicely foiled in white froth ...
zhleeeee .... that long scrowl had sent a tornado up my sinus...
Yeah.. that was a chisseled piece of my brain .. alright ..
just waiting to be flushed.

i darted out of the bathroom and i crashed onto something .. iron ? zzzuup ..
when i woke up, i had to use my hands to ward off the fly sitting on my nose ..
the fan was rotating ... no revolving ..
"am i dead ?"
morpheus appeared from nowhere and said "Far from it .."

i hopped out of my first floor bunk bed ... and there it lie ...
the black.. unzipped .. leather jacket ...
of my laptop ofcourse ... "unzipped" is something which the elements had hidden from me..
it was already late and i pulled out the lappy from over the bed ..
crraaak .. boom .. there she lie ... my acer travelmate 6003 .. with her LCD cracked!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks !

my room mates panicked .. i didnot
i gently picked up the beauty , put her back in the leather jacket .. zipped ... and went straight to office.
went right up to my boss and said "boss, the LCD is cracked ".
"log a call .." , aah! that pleasant smile ...
"will they pay for it ?" , or am i gonna shell out 19k outta my pocket .... ? Wait and see ......

That morning i woke up hearing the loudest screach ever !!
i couldnt put my feet on the floor .. it was too cold ..
so i put the sheets down first and then stood up.. went over to the window ..
it was from my neighbours house ..
the originator of the screach was none other than 7yr old lad, culprit of all broken windows..
anyway, by the time i reached there .. it was a horrible sight !
his wee wee stuck in the zip ?! yikes . .ouch ! meow .. i ran away, like everyone else!
didnt know what to do .........

skelt , long hooha came into the room and jumped and sat on the bed!
yikes! ... somebody had kept the the razor on the bed ..
and aa! his right butt opened up like a good book and blood oozing ?!
he got it stiched alright.. had to shit with one leg straight, while balancing on the other!
man! what a sight that would be ?

All incidents are truly authentic! Not one fig of imagination!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Two of Two

Resource One was summoned for a root cause analysis meeting on Monday morning. When he made his way to the meeting room. It was already darkened and Resource Allocator One had begun his drone already. As R1 stepped in RA1 was in mid-sentence, "...Leveraging existing funtionalities". Or maybe it was "functioning existing leverages". Or even "existing leverage functionalities". It didn't matter as nothing ever does. RA1 caustically observed- "So nice of you to have joined us. We were in the middle of A Causal Analysis of Defect Leakage in Post-Production Scenarios. What are your thoughts on this?" R1, blinked once. There was no response from RA1. All 8 eyes in the room fixed on him. Expectant as if their salvation would pass through R1's lips.

R1 blinked again. Slower and steadier, praying that RA1 would take the subtle hint and move on. RA1 acknowledged the hint but allowed R1 to wallow in his own misery before saying the magic words, "Moving on..."
R1 sat down in the farthest point hoping to melt into the darkness the room offered. His lazy eyes settled on R3. She was at her Monday morning best. With Performance Reviews around the corner, R3 was at her best. Dressing sharp, nominating herself for the "Leadership Training Program", "Journeys in attitude", "Cross Cultural Adaptability" and what not. During all these blissful forays, her work was reallocated to R1. R1 wanted to hate her and squeeze her slender neck till she went bug-eyed. But couldn't bring himself to think these thoughts.

R3 was hot.

Somewhere in an unrelated recess of his brain R1 saw the words "HALO EFFECT" scrawled on a black board. R1 blinked and the image was gone. He blinked again. Slowly this time. Now the image was getting clearer. It was not a picture anymore. It was moving. It spoke to him...In Jim Carrey's Ace Ventura voice "It's Ha-Live!!!!" Then the same voice added a cautionary note "Warning - @ssholes in the mirror are closer than they appear"

RA1's shrill voice boomed into the frame, "R1 are you nodding off again?". R1 quickly recovered and said "No I was just contemplating the effect of the code-sync up on the latency issues in Production and what bearing it might have on the current discussion" RA1 paused trying to asses if what he just heard was a reasonable explanation to the question that he had asked. Having got no concrete evidence to the contrary, RA1 let it pass and said in his customary storyteller voice, "Moving on..." R1 took out his glasses and put them on. He knew that with the projector images dancing on them RA1 had no way of knowing whether he was asleep or awake. He went back.

Now the Jim Carrey's voice was replaced by some anonymous voice on a radio which spoke to him, variously distorted by static and gunshots.
"Mission Control to Rambo. Mission Control to Rambo. Do you copy over?"
RA1 replied "Rambo to Mission Control. I Copy. I also Paste if necessary. Over"
"Rambo your mission parameters have been reassessed. Terminate Mark with extreme prejudice. Over"
"I am out of ammo. Requisition immediate backup and supplies. Over"
"Negative. Use all necessary force to complete mission. Radio Mission Control upon achieving Mission Objectives. Over and out"

Rambo squatted in the sewage pit behind the POW camp. It stank. But he had other things to think about. How to kill the POW camp superintendent. This was going to get ugly, he thought grimly as he unsheathed his Green Beret Bayonet and crawled under the booby-trapped barbed wires, carefully keeping the hair triggers on the grenades quiet as he moved. The Camp Superintendent was taking stock of the camp. He only had his orderlies handing him his morning Coffee at exactly 100 degrees Fahrenheit, as he demanded. Quietly and quickly Rambo sprinted across the courtyard and before the superintendent could respond. He seized him by his incongruous neck-tie and strangled him. It was quiet. He pulled the limp body and nailed the neck-tie to the door with his bayonet. As the Superintendent's guard detail arrived, they stared in horror at our shit-encrusted hero as he said "Let this be a warning to you. Let my men go".

Even as RA1 writhed about trying to free his obscenely expensive Van Heusen Tie from the incongruous and atrociously cheap ball-point pen that fixed it to the drawing board above him, RA1 heard himself say, "Let my people go" to an open mouthed R3 and the rest of her coterie. R1 walked out of the conference hall. He could have sworn that he heard the Terminator theme music in the hallways. He began walking to his cubicle in slow motion.

Friday, December 09, 2005

One Of Two

Camp Six. Location - classified. Mission parameters - vague. Assets in place - Delta One & Delta Two. Hostile Elements - Naked tribals armed with poison arrow tipped blowpipes. Standing orders - Do not use hostile force until forced into combat when reduced to minority against Hostile elements.

Delta One woke up with a start to the sound of buzzing insects. He picked up his rifle loaded with rubber bullets. He walked up to Delta Two in the Gaurd Tower. Delta Two was sleeping too. One kicked Two in the shins and said, "Wake up, Shit watch." Two stirred awake and picked up his rifle and army-issue insect repellent tube. The two walked to the clearing behind the camp perimeter. One tossed a coin to decide who would go first. It was One's turn today as well.

One squeezed out a generous helping of the insect repellent before pulling down his fatigues. He smeared it all over his butt before settling down to take a dump. As he sat down, he pointed the gun between Two's astride legs, guarding Two's back. Two tried to ignore the obnoxious sounds and smells from below as he pointed the gun over One's head.

This was an undocumented Camp Six Standard Operating Procedure. No body could wander out of the perimeter without risking a run in with the tribals' blowpipes. So basic operartions like this had to be done in twos with one guarding the other's back.

Trying to focus on something else, Two asked One, "What do you suppose they will tell our families if we got killed while taking a dump by an arrow in the ass"

One grunted, though not necessarily in assent, "Probably the same official communique that every one gets...We regret to inform...Was killed fighting insurgents...while fighting courageously in the line of fire...You know...the works"

Two "You faced the line of fire ass first? How do you suppose they will explain the wound?"

One, face twisted in pain at the military rations that wouldn't be broken down by his intenstines, said "That is what you get when you put your ass on the line for the country. SHIT! That was hard!"

Two looked at the end result in horror "Did you eat an elephant yesterday? That is a mother lode if ever there was one!"

One, much more relaxed now, "Shut up and watch my back."

They were silent for a while not before Two piped up again "Do you know what this looks like? One military man standing upright with legs apart and another military man squatting in front of him..."

One "Shut up @sshole! Hand me the paper and smear yourself with the insect repellant. You are next!"

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Night is about the time between sunset and sunrise.
its when your melatonin is on high and everything else is on low.
its when you are supposed to be asleep and you are not.
Night is about sleep , spoilt milk and slow motion frames.
Night is about Neon Lights, sleep disorders and more ...

Night is a cut copy paste of the deja vu feeling and some stolen scenes and ideas.
But since we all are one , there is no need of me copying something ... or infact telling you this either !
Night as in Fight is a copy of a copy of a copy.

Night is , again, about background music, when you need it ,
bgm is infact the only thing missing from your life - thats makes its short of a movie.
Night is your humble attempt to understand whats happening inside yourself ..and whats happening outside ..
Night is defining the boundary , not that of sunset and sunrise ..
but the boundary that is you , which defines inside and outside.

Night is also about Associative memory, how and why your trail of thoughts are not necessarily crazy...
and how it is crazy ... at the same time ..
Night is a game of words , pictures and even scents (if the theatre owner permits me)
Night is a concept that has fascinated me for quite some time ..
Night is the reason we acknowledge day..

Night is the reason , i am tying(typo) all this crap on my laptop ..
and if i am not wrong, Night is the reason you are reading it too ;-)
Night is when your thoughts dont shoot off in tangents anymore ..
and the cold wind actually soothens you so much that you can actually think about one thing at a time ..
Night is the reason i am working , because it helps me concentrate.

Night is where all the answers lie !
I cannot tell you what night is , you have to experience it yourself.
For most of us, Night doesnt ever exist , we lay down to sleep and voila ! its morning !

Night is the reason, i feel fatigue and cant think about anything ..
And i cant stop myself from thinking too..
If i say "dont think about this ... " and
"a blue mini van on a wide road with 2 big trees on the right" ..
did you picture it ? or did you not think about it ?

Night is your secret get away, where you unburden all your thoughts,
Night is where you wish , you are not alone,
Night is where , every consciousness is actually alone,
Night defines death.

This treatise on Night is driving me mad.
December is when i think about 'Night' the most ,
Night is when you call upon god, and wander thru the sky .
Night is when you hear unheard music,
Night is a privilege to select few .

Night is about saying "hi" to the stranger in the lift,
Night is about punctuation, zeus, ram, dog and morpheus.
Night is about forgotten friends, ideas and memory loss , short or long term,
Night is about not new discoveries but , reinventing the wheel again and again.

Night is not mediocre,
Night is always extreeme, Once touched by it, you never forget it.
Night is stepping out of your cozy cocoon...

Night is when we re-engineer things ,
Night is when we rest for the next big day ,
Night is all about preparations ..
It is also about sorrowing the lost day .

Night is about Neuro Linguistic Programming,
Euphoria, Silk Route, Junoon, Jal and Strings,
Night is about Maya , cycle and chakras,
Night is about freely floating energy that suddenly bursts out of nowhere!

And finally , Night is about Sleep, End, Rest , small death ......
and Night is coming back to say "finally" is a wrong word ..
'cause Night will be back !

Saturday, December 03, 2005

The (F)art of self defence

Recently there was an official mail welcoming some big gun (whom we will never ever see) who is to take up some vague responsibility in North America.

The introduction note stated all his qualifications to the point of nausea and then concluded "On a personal note, Mr.XYZ is also a passionate practitioner of Aikido"

This sent me off on a tangent. My thoughts led me to another passionate practitioner of Hopkido. The rough english translation of Hopkido is "The Way of the Flying Fart"...It somehow never conveys the poetry of the Japanese you can clearly see.

The only remaining practioner (who must never be named and only be referred to as "THE ONE") of this dying art is now in hiding in some vault within (BLEEP!) Bank located in (BLEEP!). During Bush's invasion into Iraq "THE ONE" was code named WMD by the invading party.

Yes, you think Bush went to Iraq for some thermonuclear weapons? That is what the newspapers tell you. The truth is far more sinister. "THE ONE" was indeed a weapon of mass destruction but he was more of the nerve gas variety than the thermonuclear ones that newsmongers are obsessed with.

Now I reveal the technical intricacies of this art even as I break my oath of secrecy, thereby condemning my soul to the darkest pits of hell in everlasting torment.

1.Firstly take up the Crouching stance. Squat without touching ground with backside. Breathe in and out rapidly while coiling and uncoiling the intestine. Align the Air element of your Divine Five Elements in line with Hopkido's ruling celestial body, Uranus.

2.Stand. Approach the opponent with peace, in quick short strides. When the distance between you and the opponent is just over five long-steps-of-the-Heron-that-stands-on-one-leg, jump into the air with all the grace of the-crow-which-flies-upside-down. In mid air piroutte and turn your backside towards the opponent.

3.When your honalable backside is closest to the opponent's honolable nose, release the Air element through the ruling planet Uranus.

4.Invoke the gods as you do this with a rousing cry of "BANZAI!!!!!!"

So all ye ardent students of the forgotten mystic art of Hopkido, remember THE ONE's lesson before he went into retirement, "Ah so, Grasshopper, when honolable fascist swine jump at you flom dark alleyway, offer him teaching of Buddha before you apply the Hopkido and kick him in honolable balls."