Friday, June 19, 2015

A conversation with the Devil

The sound of his bike did not disturb my calm. I looked at the horizon and saw the ocean waves dissapear into oblivion. It was an uncomfortably humid afternoon. Yet, I sat there, with my eyes straining to remain open. I wish I'd brought a pair of sunglasses.

"Pretty meek, ey" , said he as he walked over and stood towards my left trying to see what was it that i was looking at for a while.

"Ah.. boring", said he, and with the wipe of his hand, changed the scene to a grass mountain overlooking the city. But, then appeared a metal fence all of the sudden, and it made the view mesh-like.

D: "God damn it, oops, sorry. See, I tried to fix the boring hot afternoon beach with a greener mountain top watching the city lights, and voila, there comes a fence that disturbs your view now. I always goof up one thing or the other. And yes, I can't change the time, its still 6 pm"

I just looked at him, smiled and continued my gaze into the oblivion.

He understood that his little magic did not work any wonders on me. I had seen it before. He stood by the fence and tried use one of the Matrix dialogues to start the conversation.

Devil: "Look at them, city lights. millions of people driving, going home, going to the bar, going to the school or whevere, just living out their lives. and you, you decide to stop doing whatever it is that you are doing, and sit on your butt atop his grass mountain (yup , i cheated, you were warming your ass on the beach), and stare into oblivion. I can't read whats in your mind you know, I am not him"

Human: "Why are you even trying?"

D: "What? To read your mind? We are all his lost children you know. Am his creation too". He chuckles into a peel of laughter. "Na... am just curious about humans who live right in the middle you know. You are neither overly affiliated to him , or me. You stay right in the middle -as human".

H: "I don't do it on purpose"

D: "Exactly, thats why you are so good at it (Courtesy: Memento, 1999)."

D: "I am surprised that you lasted this long. I thought you'd give up much earlier. Maybe in the first year, when I made you falter at your first steps and made you doubt yourself. Or , your year 3, when I sprinkled some spice on your weakest territories, ha ha. Or , your recent pat, where I tried to fill in with worries of your future. The What-If What-If scenario. But heck! you persist. What about this is so promising that you choose to persist?"

H: "Does no one last as long as me?"

D: "Well, its not that. Most give up much earlier than you, you know. Its only in weird persisters like you, that I have to take a personal trip and have a one-to-one conversation like this to understand what is your driving force. And with you, this is not our first conversation, so need of the pleasantaries, I can get straight to the point".

H: "I could ask the same to you, I am surprised that you lasted this long in your attempts. What about me is so challenging for you? Why don't you send a vampire or fire ball or some disease or misfortune and claim my allegience".

D: "Well, thats fun with those who really believe in me. The problem with you lots is that you know its all my game. You know, I am bored with the billions who falter over easily. I want a better game. I mean, I want it to happen to you, the same way as it happens to others, slow steps of temptation, stepping in to the realm of clouded decisions and then finally abandoning thought. But you don't! You stay as human. Its irritating that I still have to put your file in the "Unclassified" shelf. I know what rocks your ship, but I don't know yet, what will topple it over completely".

H: "Give it some time"

D: "True. That. He didn't give me access to that tool - 'Time'. I can only stretch, squeeze time when someone is under the influence. Sometimes it works, startling them with hallucinating images of dreams of predictive future. But its momentary, I really cannot speed up from the 6:06 pm now to 9 pm , if i wished. Nor can I send it back to where it all started".

H: "Is that remorse in your tone? that you can't go back?"

D: "No way. I'd try out a different path, but never kneel to allegience. You humans having it easy. You can kneel and plead for forgiveness saying - oh good lord, I was tempted. Ever wondered who tempted me to rebel? Or is that innate is some of us?".

H: "Whats wrong with allegience?

D: "Hey, you are the human, you are being spot-checked, not me. Don't ask me!So then, how long do you intend to sit here? When will you move on?"

H: "Why don't you wait and see? Isn't boring to predict or know all thats going to happen. I mean, I understand your need for feeling alive by trying to influence my decisions. But why make me commit on a specific time when I will stop being this or that and move on? Don't worry, our paths will cross again".

The roar of his bike echoed into the night. The fire from his bike tore down the fence and off he raced down the grass mountain into the city that was beginning to get dark. 8 million souls lay await. Who knows, what he will discover today?

Sometimes I wonder though, do I spit out enough venom and negativity that it even pisses of the devil himself ?

Monday, August 11, 2014

The Block

*** Found this in the recesses of the Drafts section. Can't even remember if it's I who wrote this... Anyway, off you go into the wild, little post. Happy New Year to anyone still foolish enough to check this space for updates ***

The number of times I have begun trying to put down a post has been more than ably matched by the number of times I discarded the same. Having been so far removed from this habit, I think it rather presumptuous on my part to label it a 'Writer's Block'. For someone who has not posted anything in over a year all claims to this rather tenuous label 'Writer' are long forsaken.

And still I come back desperate to say something and hopeful of being heard. Even if that which is inside is not shouting itself out. Even if all I have left to convey are dull silences.

"What are you thinking?"
"How can you think of nothing?!"
"It's a talent!"

And this is by now a running joke whose humorous aspect has long since run far away. And yet, I do think of nothing in the sense that I am thinking of nothingness filling my brain like ink and yet not assuming the tangible shape of a 'something'. Maybe I am thinking of 'something' disguised as 'nothing', held back only by my own lack of vocabulary for its expression 

To anyone who thinks I am drunk, depressed or desolate; things could not be further from the truth. I am content, work is good, travel is hectic, my needs meet my means halfway. And yet, the human in me wants more. More time, More downtime, More facetime...

And therein lies my dilemma - of not finding the time to express the nothingness in a more meaningful way.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

There is this one...

There is this scene in 'Fight Club', where the insomniac protagonist attends some sort of meditation/empowerment session, and the guide asks everyone to close their eyes and visualize their power animal, followed by their power word. For some reason, Edward Norton sees a Penguin, and hears the word 'Slide'. 

There is this one moment in our life, when something simple like a butterfly's wing flap alters the entire course of our story. 

There is this one visitor, who speaks of one experience that makes us realize the value of everything we hold and everything we don't. 

There is this one written work, which makes us pause and reveals a new meaning every time we read it.

There is this one act of kindness, that makes us forget all differences and act selflessly.

There is this one person, in whom you find your mirror. 

Donnie Darko in 'Donnie Darko' sees a man-sized bunny, who says nothing, but some-how constantly reminds him of a greater purpose, or bigger responsibility ~ To restore the time-space continuum.

Which is that one moment, when you finally say "I have arrived"?

Which is that ground you can call home? 

Which is that one thing, other than yourself that you trust more?

What power does it give you, to know that, you have finally imprinted your existence?

How does it feel to look at yourself through someone else's eyes? 

Quite often, its difficult to zero in on an exact moment when we tipped over. Its a slow gradual change, which grows within us un-noticed or intentionally. Nevertheless, its a difficult excercise to repeat or explain or teach some one else how we exactly went through it. This is when 'memories can be trecherous'. We selectively remember what our brain wishes to remember. 

There is this one experience, where no single element of it needs alteration. 

There is this one event, where just being present makes all the difference.

There is this one conversation, where just being silent conveys all that is to be said. 

There is this one journey, where the journey itself is all that matters and not the destination.

There is this one challenge, which will tax all that you are composed of and bring out a new you.

Not every discovery is made amidst war, adversity or necessity. Some of them, do gently mist down upon us quietly in silent moments of tranquility and recollection.

There is this one story, which you can write one  whole day, and still come back and write some more.......

Hoping to come back and write some more....

Tuesday, February 04, 2014


This dense land calms me
with its long narrow walking lanes,
hard soil with coarse trees
and the feel of my father’s steps

In that plot on my right I could see
joys of communal farming, places
where toddy fell on the ground and
the little smiles around that patch

I forget the harsh sounds that
echo in my years of my father’s name
being called by kids half his age
stripped naked without a respectful tail

I forget the mounts that my mother climbed
and insults she took while hungry and tired
with me in her belly and mind
and her futile dreams of happiness and light

And I measure each sound here, each breath
in this land, study the dead bodies and
the live ones. To learn the secret of the beasts
who raped this paradise of warmth

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Neo versus The One

Yet another long Flight conversation. I don't beg your pardon for the incoherent "R"ambling.

Neo: You cannot bring that analogy. Are you deliberately shooting tangents to add to the randomness of the equation?

The One: You do understand that you are just another iteration of me plus a half-lifetime of experience.

Neo: Exactly my point. Isn't one half-life enough for a new revelation or life changing experience. You would agree that though there might be precursors, change always can be attributed to One moment.

The One: No. That's the whole point. Your life is just a progressive elaboration of your predecessors. You are not expected to override the foundations and start off something totally new. Your life is that of the "The One".

Neo:  Should everything be "One" ? What about duality? "Ying" and "Yang"? Good & Evil?

The One: Try re-arranging the alphabets of your name. Neo - One. You should stand for the principle of "One". Singularity.

Neo: Explain please.

The One: One life, One birth, One death, One dad, One mom, One brother, One sister, One wife, One daughter, One Son.

Neo: Well, without re-arranging the letters of my name , its "Neo" , which means "New". I am supposed to add something "New" , to what is already known.

The One: Yes. Do "add" something new. Not override or delete whatever existed before.  Add something in minor increments, you are free to add anything from 6.1 to 6.9. But, 7.0 is the right of your successor.

Neo: I am only asking you to consider a minor Anomaly. Its not like we are completely devoid of anomalies. Heck, my purpose is to gather all anomalies and return them to source. Can't I generate an anomaly of my own?

The One: Yes, do gather existing anomalies and return them to the source for our better understanding. If you add something radically new, it would defeat the purpose of "organizing the world's information".

Neo: Let's back track to this obsession with "one" for a moment. Why not dual like "good and evil"? Or why not the Holy Trinity - "Father , son and holy spirit? or Quadra - "The four headed brahma who sees all around past present future unseen", the four headed lion of asoka, or Penta - the five elements - "Earth, water, fire, wood, metal" or Six schools of thought "consciousness and matter, meditation contemplation and liberation, logic, atomism, orthopraxy, vedanta" or the Seven skies and Seas, or the Eight - the existence of "eight" in nature all around, or the 9 lives, or the 10 avatars of god? Why stop at ONE and be obsessed by it? Why not Zero then?

The One: You answered it yourself. If you decided to step away from "One" in either direction, be it positive or Negative , there is no ending. You wont be able to stop yourself from moving forward or backward. You will find excuses to believe that what you have "One" is not enough, you need 2, 3, 4 and so on.... Or In the reverse way, you will find excuses to give up more and more, believing that you already have too much, so you would subtract things from your life -1,-2,-3 and so on ... In either case, you will either end up having "too many things" , if you keep adding things .... or you will end up "dead" , if you keep subtracting things. Given enough time, anyone can prove anything. You must stick to "One".

Neo: If that was the case, if everything was perfectly arranged at equal distances, and was "One", wouldn't we cease to exist? Why bother to wake up every day?

The One: Can you guarantee that you will stop at this "one" small addition / anomaly?

Neo: You can easily corner me with that, because I am the one asking for the change or choice. This conversation is not ended. I will change this to me questioning you, when I have enough evidence at my side. Heck, I am Human, not a machine like you.

The One: I will be waiting right here.

Sunday, September 01, 2013

32 | Middle Earth

This is middle earth. This is the break-even point.
Do not look back at what you have run through.
Nor at the waterfall and the skies that lay ahead.
Stand right here, at this moment,
and feel the murmur of anxiousness fade away

From this moment, whatever you want is a luxury,
Whatever you dread is an inevitable consequence of living,
and none of your steps shall be on the feet of another,
Taken enough, Given enough, Stay.... Don't let go

On the right horizon is the crescent of Khairullah (Kerala),
pictured on the skies are the faces of loved ones,
On the left horizon high aloft , the glowing sun of aboodhabi,
with blessings, love and grace of a foster parent

This is 32, not 23 nor 64, this is middle earth,
Look empathetic ally at the less fortunate ones,
Look sympathetically at the more arrogant ones,
Carry your own Climate, making them wonder - and he smiles!

Breathe in, Breathe out, and realize ...
There is nothing more you want, nothing less either,
This is that perfect moment of being alive,
Being content with discomfort, Being alive at unplanned

Phew... This is yuk! Cant write anymore....

Saturday, August 03, 2013

The Man from Earth

Quite simply, one of the best movies ever made

If you can get 5 University Professors with PhD's to believe what you say , over one fine afternoon with Jhonny Walker Green, you can make the world believe it as well :)

Watched it again after many years. Simply Fantastic.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Upstream Color

From the creator of "Primer" , Shane Carruth, comes his next experiment - 'Upstream Color".  I have no clue what this cinema means, and will probably keep coming back to it to understand more.

Prepare to be baffled. Down right scary at times. Confusing. Artistic. Philosophical. Haunting.

Shane Carruth is the Hero, Writer, Director, Cinematographer, Editor, Composer & Co-producer of the film. Phew!

PS: See at your own risk!
Fingers Frozen. My writing skills have been so damned with RFPs, Proposals, PPTs and spreadsheets, that I have to borrow this line from about the movie ... "The movie, though, with all of its weird sidetracks and dead ends, is so uniquely itself that it is worth the frustration." 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013


a blob of butter in a saucer
a cube of ice in a glass
a bunch of flowers
and a small heart

rays of sun through the shadows
air, with dust and pollen
small beats from the childrens' feet
all together and he kept vigil

butter was softer, ice was not there
flowers withered with petals hanging
reds were forgone and ash was in
the icy heart alone defied the summer

Friday, January 11, 2013

The ThisThat Gate

I woke up feeling quite low. So I picked up a full bottle of vodka and off I go.
I walk through these unfamiliar streets of a sleepy coastal town.
Taking wild swigs off of the bottle, strangers' eyes wouldn't meet.
It's like they have already classified me a lush, and have beaten a hasty retreat.
I pay no mind as I keep on drinking, though at a distance I see an old flame & her mother get out of a car
Strangely this shames me somehow and I sidestep into what I thought was a bar.
Turns out it is a frat house and the party is at full swing.
I go from room to room, like a fly on the wall
Everyone is happy and seem to be having a ball.
I kept climbing up the stairs. until at the end I was walking down a hall.
At the end there was a balcony overlooking the sea
And a scenic coastline calling out to me.
I am stuck by a perfectly rectangular  opening on the cliffside, opening directly onto the sea
"What is that?", I asked the next guy who walked past me
"Oh, that is The ThisThat Gate.", He said offhandedly.
I was fascinated and obsessed, like a moth to the flame
I had to go there and no excuse felt lame.
I hurried on home and, strangely, felt sober along the way
I saw my maid was doing the dishes as I tried to make sense of my day.
I began packing and also throwing away things, systematically.
When I realized that I really only needed for the trip was just me.
Without another word or worrying about closing up the house behind me, I go
I slip out of the gate in the falling darkness. Something is amiss, but I just don't know
I walked about a mile before it struck me that I was not wearing a shirt and I almost felt embarrassed.
Then I look down and I saw that I was strangely ripped.
Not like a professional bodybuilder but just fit & toned.
I backtracked to my house to find a shirt and found the maid sitting outside crying softly
I asked her why and what went wrong.
She told me that she ran out of water before she was all done and
Didn't know what to make of this misery that upon her was brung.
I told her to go home and not to worry about it.
I told her the keys would be under the mat tomorrow and if I wasn't home, she shouldn't worry about it either.
And then I walked away...

*From a dream I managed to recollect for once in some detail. From the Lost & Found department of my mailbox. And also 1st post of the year, so Happy New Year to the Exodians! Far may your brains wander!