Monday, November 06, 2006

Curse of the Black Pearl

The pearl lay await in the oyster's belly,
never wishing to be found by a man,
one pirate braved the depths of the oceans,
and coerced the pearl out of the cocoon,
alas the pirate, murdered the oyster,
blood danced around him in the dark depths,
the pearl turned into black, with an eye,
and cursed him an eternal life of the dead!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Pandaaram a.k.a Damn!

Pandaaram (Malayalam) is a genuinely funny curse word. It is supposed to be least inflicting to the listeners, even though it provides an apt venting mechanism for fury, frustration and anger in the form of a word.
Pandaaram in its simplest, or standalone format has the same usage as singular utterances of f* or shit or damn.
When combined with other stupid words , like for example , "Pandaaram adangan!" is like "Damn it!"
Like i said before, since Pandaaram is the stepping stone of cursing, chances are that it would not be very popular among friend circles or higher business circles. Rather, pandaaram is more or less confined to households, relatives, kith and kin. There, Pandaaram is both light, meaning not much harm, as well as saying "I am dead serious about this!".
The usage of a curse word is directly proportional to the tolerance and the "badness" factors of the receptors. For e.g, without umpteen utterances of "F" you probably cannot "curse" with a gangster, a rap singer, or a city teenager. This might not be the case with friends or family. Multi-linguals like you are me are blessed with a plethora of curse words or varying degrees or relief and infliction. For e.g, I have a choice of english, hindi, tamil and malayalam. However certain languages are not really apt for cursing, because the language by itself has a singing effect, is very polished or sounds delicate. Blunt and brute languages (I dare not quote any examples) should be perfect for cursing. Which brings forward the question of if you were to design a language, how would you structure the curse words ? (Enya has already made a new language called Loxian, for her new album Amarantine, Check out the lyrics for 'Less than a Pearl'). She found none of todays languages befitting to write the song

What made me write about Pandaaram is a movie called "The Squid and the Whale". In it, a 10 year old, does all kind of swearing and cursing. Ofcourse it gets a little panicky. He is justified by the emotional distress of his parents separating. The movie is an auto-biography of the director, presented in a very realistic way.

One another Universally important thing, is that 9 out of 10 previous blogs in Cranial Exodus are mine!!! Which makes me ponder, whether my blogger-brothers cant overcome the feeling of "aargh! should i blog this?" , or whether they are plain bored, or more horrifyingly, they have found the real life outside and decided not to waste time blogging!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

trying to paint...

bogged down by the fragility of life,
the many abstractions that have become routine,
paint a smile over every doubt and disbelief,
the bliss of careful ignorance,
deafness and blindness, appear when wanted for,
when a difficult question troubles,
dart ahead to the next ritual activity of life,
call up a friend, go shopping, browse or read,
do whatever and get rid of the trouble,
multiplex the brain to many parallel deeds,
when too many thoughts forge, a reasonably sharp arrow,
that might wake you up, from the unreal activity chain,
look upon the downtrodden, the desolate and the poor,
wonder what would you do, subject to all the horror,
praise the lord , and lend a helping hand,
congratulate yourself, and find harmony and rhythm,
above all, keep yourself busy,
keep your pet projects in the pipeline,
not because an empty mind is a devil's workshop,
but because, hell if it exists, is right within!

Many thanks to kesu for the one-liner...
"Madness?! This is ... Varkala!!!!!"
Laughed after a long time...

Friday, October 20, 2006

The Myth | The Sword | The re-born General | The immortal princess | The anti-gravity meteorite

Its 2.56 AM, Been quite some time since I stayed up this late :-) No particular reason today. Jackie Chan is singing the theme song of "The Myth".. I have no clue what he and the girl is singing in chineese, nevertheless, the title "Endless Love" and the melody are catchy and sweet. Though the special effects, the history and action are all goofy, i like the idea of a princess who awaited immortally in an anti-gravity cave for the return of her lover , the General. Reminds me of a Hindi film i watched some 14 years ago..'Suryavanshi' where Salman Khan is the General who takes the re-birth to meet Amrita Singh, the immortal princess. Sweet. I loved the sword salman used in the film, it looked very special. For a few weeks after watching the film, my brother and I had sword fights... Ah, painstakingly made out of wood.. Swords always are elite weapons, above spears, bows or whatever. Anxiously awaiting the release of '300' to see some real good sword fight.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Salute Microsoft!

I bought a core 2 duo PC with a Gigabyte Motherboard. Microsoft Windows XP installed like a breeze. Life is cool.
When i tried to install Linux (Ubuntu/Debian), i got wierd errors like "cd-rom" not detected or a simple blank screen.
Google search returned results like, there is a bug in the Linux kernel , which causes difficulties in detecting the 965 chipset , pata driver, jmicron, blah blah blah..
The point is ... Does windows have all the drivers ?
How is it that a 3 year old windows XP installs with no problems on my latest harware, while the linux kernel fix for this issue wont be out till december ?
Salute you Microsoft , you are truly .. one click and install!

Alternatively, there's an interesting article, why Linux is not meant to be "one click and install".. Why Desktop linux wont take off, and why you dont want it to :-)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Does God need trial and error ?

Bluhuhu - A Thought meltdown.

Ignorance is Bliss: Humble beginnings.
When i was 12, I used to perform the numerous religious rituals that constitued the average ordinary muslim. I simply adore that kind of undoubted belief, even though it can take a dangerous turn if it grows beyond a certain measure. So, as most muslims do, I prayed in Arabic, read the Qur'an in Arabic and did many things which i didnot understand, with joy! Yes, it was a joyful thing to do. Because, hey, i am doing this for my afterlife and yes, God loves me! It also was joyful , because the hardships endured directly translated to my seating position in heaven. (The more good you do, the better place you have in heaven). I was also able to take a break from the routine studies , play and so forth and be at peace with myself. I must say , that the atmosphere in the Fatima Mosque, Karama Street, Abu Dhabi was a wonderfully peaceful one. It is only when we pray , that we remember forgotten things-to-do, or forgotten people-to-call , in general things which you forgot to do. Why ? because you have nothing else to do, and one part of your brain is trying to focus your attention to something which you can read, but cant understand .. whereas the other part is doing a clean-up activity , i mean ... did i forget any of my duties in real-life ?

Religion as a Teacher: Religion as a step in evolution.
One of the best things about Religion is that, It is the easiest and simplest way to teach a growing child to be good. For example, if you dont tell (or sometimes even if you tell) a kid , not to put his/her hand in a candle flame, chances are that the kid would want to have a first hand experience of getting his/her hand burnt. And when that happens, he/she cries and then realizes.. aah this person has more experience than me. Religion is a way devised by human beings to pass on the knowledge of good-things-to-do. Most religions have the same core concept -- Live in harmony with nature. This means we respect every other being.
Religion puts forward an easy of teaching this. "If you dont be good to your friends, god will punish you in after-life". I like the simplicity of that. It is straight and to the point. It makes sense. It also instills fear-about-unknown into the mind of the child. He/she is educated that there is an all-knowing , all-powerful God who is constantly watching his actions, based on which he will be later judged upon , whether be it a seat in heaven or a rebirth as a crow or Nirvana.
What is goodness ? Anything which helps the positive evolution of nature. If you try to destroy yourself or others, you are doing bad. This can lead to a lot of debateful questions like "If a boy was brought up in the slums of Kochi and taught to murder people , to quench his thirst or to get food, does he do wrong ?" What exactly is right and wrong ? This can be discussed in an entirely different essay , however for the time being ... Its obviously wrong and the boy will realize it sooner or later. Why ? Because it does not fit into positive evolution. It does not fit into protecting the Weak.*

Protecting the Weak: Another step in Evolution.
We have come a long way from the animalistic way of "Survival of the fittest". We foster and nurture the weak. Because we think, everyone is special. We have built rules , governments and many such things which guard the weak. Even though, we strive for perfection, we do take care of the lesser being, we do try to exist peacefully with nature. If it was a world where only the strongest , fastest and most intelligent survived , we probably wouldnt have needed all these rules which say "Be good to your fellow being, be good to nature, Respect everyone". Why do we need to protect the weak ? Who knows, we all are part of a greater whole ! and maybe its our purpose! *

Good things about Religion:
So back to where i started. Religion is good in many ways, it serves as a good stepping stone, atleast as of today. I recently read an article (Courtesy: Ram) in rediff, by Kamala Das which says that most of the religions we have today are outdated. They create more harm than harmony. Before, I explore the bad side of religions, I would like to add a few more points to the good side.
People who have had a religious upbringing seems to have the blinding power of confidence. Even though its based on blind faith, confidence does a lot of good things. It helps us to build things on layer after layer of abstraction. Think about it, we deal with electricity everyday, do we really understand electricity or electrons, for that matter ? What is it ? a blob of negative charge ? a probability cloud ? Its there, but you cant see it ? Or its there but you cant measure its position and momentum ? It behaves depending on who is looking at it ?! If we happily ignore on certain basic things about it .. we can tap into its usefulness. We can light bulbs, run motors and what not! We write equations on it, determine how it moves around and there .. we are the master of it! Wrong, we understand some patterns exhibited by it, and so are able to make use of it.
The fundamentals of religion are no different. You accept or have blind faith in God, good , bad , reward , punishment and so on, and certain things are guaranteed. A religious person in trouble will be more capable of dealing with it, than a confused guy like me , because he believes its a test from God, and yeah, he believes he has done all his duties, in the way of God. Now , that is powerful! that is absolute confidence.. you can use it to be happy in any situation , whatsoever. You can use it and be really not too much bothered about worldly success and survive with the bare minimum, because this world is a transitional period. When i get to the "Bad things about Religion", i will write about "Overconfidence".
It also is the easiest way to explain things that happen around us. Bad people will be punished. Good people will be rewarded. Very very useful thing in law-and-order. The mindi is a powerful thing. If you believe in something, it does affect your life in a huge way.

Bad things about today's Religion:
Religion , as of today, translates into a set of rituals designed a couple of hundred years ago. And the sad thing is that , it is not evolving , but rather getting into "hard and fast" mandatory rules for everyone. Is this part of Positive communication evolution ? ** Lets find out...

Prayers are powerful. I have even heard doctors say that Languages like Sanskrit, Arabic and Aramaic are excellent for prayers, because they are tough languages, and they demand your complete attention. Thats the whole point of prayers. Focussing your attention on one thing . Look into any religious text and they are written in a sort of Generic way. I mean, most of it. It can be interpreted in many ways, might mean different things and the language is sort of slippery ? Why ? Because, if this has to have value, people should spend time , effort and their brains trying to figure out "What does this really mean ?". Which is why it has survived centuries. To get respect from people , give them a copy of "A brief history of Time". Regardless of whether it is understood or not, most people think its a great book. Similarly, apart from the core concepts of "goodness and harmony with nature" which is common across religious texts, the rest is sort of vague.

Religion: The bridge between the Perfect being and Human Being.

We must agree that we are all one at some microscopic level, yeah.. read that chemistry text ... Everything , chemicals , Molecules , atoms, electrons , neutrons , and then.. is it thoughts or vibrating strands of energy called strings.. so E=MC squared.. The game of matter and energy. Though we are all fundamentally one , we are all different at a macroscopic level, and have* our own identities. So, we are everyone and we are no one, We are also ourselves. Ha ha .

The concept of God as a perfect being and us human beings as , "on the path to perfection", puts forward lot of problems in terms of communication. Either God has to step down to communicate to us, or we evolve into God. If god did step down, that can explain all the stupid trial and error , mentioned in the religious texts. This is with respect to Christianity and Islam. Why did god need trial and error to find out a perfect message (Religious Book) for Human Beings ? He sends one prophet, bang .. he is slaughtered, his message is corrupt .. he send another one to a different place.. oops, he got rejected too.. and finally after years of perseverance, there comes the final word , and God himself vows to protect it. Thats a scary thought.. Does God need Trial and Error to find out a perfect way of communicating to his creation ? An interesting mind-boggler is ... we created computers, we are still finding out a way to communicate what we want exactly from it .. and yes , the computer is evolving into the intelligence we have. Except ofcourse, we never actually created the computer in the first place. We just re-arranged certain things by understanding the pattern of how it works.

Confidence and Overconfidence:

Earlier, i mentioned that Religion gives confidence. It also gives over confidence at times. For e.g, if someone believes in a religion and a religious text blindly. What if , down the line, the text says something like "Everyone who doesnt do what you do, is going to hell". Now, that gives you overconfidence, either to try and mandate your rules (the rules in the book) or stop talking to anyone who doesnt believe your book. This is extremely dangerous. And this is where the fine line is .

The Fine Line: Consciousness and Faith.
There is an extremely thin line between these. Most things in religion (miracles) are unbelievable unless you accept certain premises. (God , Prophet, Books, Life After Death). Once you accept these things , you get a tunnel vision. You become immensely happy to have discovered the ultimate way of life. The danger of this tunnel vision is that we lose our capability to have an open mind to other's view points.

Qur'an: Chapter 2.
Verse 1: Alif, Lam, Meem.
Verse 2: This is the Book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah.

Check Verse 1. What is it ? Its just 3 Alphabets from Arabic. Alef(A), Laam(L), Meem(M). And the second verse is that this is a book about which there is no doubt, a guidance for those conscious of Allah. If there is no doubt about this book, what exactly is Alif-laam-Meem? Scholars say It is the mystery of Qur'an.

This explains the whole idea about Religion. If you choose to accept it as the word of God. Alif-Laam-Meem is a miracle. It is a gateway to belief. Once you accept it, the rest is easy. However if you are reading this with a questioning mind, "Alif-laam-Meem" is the dragon breathing fire at the gates, if you have no belief , then dont proceed!.

If everyone understands this, life would be a lot easier. Dear fellow believers , muslims , christians, hindus, jews, and whoever believes in religion... Donot for gods sake , hurt another human being, or force him to do your rituals , just because your learned religious leaders think that its the only way to salvation!. This is a basic thing, i am not going into the details of which idea is good , which idea is bad.

Evolving into One:
The idea of preaching one kind of religion, one kind of god, one book and so forth is considered by some as in line with the idea of "we are evolving into God". We will have one language, one communication, one way of praying. I dont know if thats and extreme "ONENESS", nevertheless it sounds scary too. Because , as i said, we are all one and we are all different. It depends on the plane/ level which you are comparing. The above mentioned preaching ONLY one religion means that there will lot of bloodshed in the near future , as one religion tries to gain supremacy over the other.

Let us not force our ideas on others. Let us choose what suits us best and what falls into the basic criteria of a better humanity , better nature. Let us stop wasting time and energy on fighting and spreading our religion. Let us spend this instead on the betterment of mankind. Let us respect each other! Let us understand that God cannot stoop down to the level of human emotions like Anger , vengeance and reward. Let us do best , with what we have!

I am sure that everything good in all of today's religions, will shape the religion of tommorow. For a better understanding , for a better life!

*Highly recommended : "God's Debris" by Scott Adams.
PDF available for free download from or here

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Footage of the Sun

A few days back, I saw the movie "Sphere". I'd read the novel by Michael Crichton a few years back. What prompted me to pick this DVD, was "Dustin Hoffman". I was greatly impressed by his performance in "Rain Man". And "Samuel L. Jackson".

Anyway, since i knew the story and neither the special effects nor sharon stone's appearences were impressive, i managed to finish the movie in one sitting. 2 days later, i picked up my Camcorder and set out to walk near the Dubai Creek at around 5 in the morning. It was then, that i witnessed this .. the rising golden sphere.

The sun rose from behind a skyscraper. I was looking through my cam's LCD , yes, it might have hurt the CCDs.. but nevertheless, i could see a perfect sphere! Coincide with the monologue from Sphere... (Vaguely recollected from my memory as) ... "Its a perfect sphere! An undoubted way of declaring supremacy (by the aliens)"!

What was interesting was, i couldnt look at the sun directly, all i could see was an an omlette like figure in the sky, slowing rising. But through the camera, my lord! It was beautiful... It was perfect! that sight kept me happy till afternoon :-)

Ramadan (Saint Hunger)

In other news, Ramadan has officially commenced. It has kick started quite a few erratic behaviours .. from external people and internal organs (mainly Mr. stomach). Work hours have reduced to "9 AM to 3 PM". Also , the attendance at the local mosque has atleast quadrupled. All this in a matter of 24 hours. H & I have dropped the idea of going around interviewing people asking simple questions like "What is Islam" , owing to our own safety. I will update more about this soon. (Yeah, i know zeus dont like this :-). Bear with me, fellow bloggers.

Life, In General

The propeller shaft of life has been fitted with an auxillary rocket booster, and the myriad colors of hopes , aspirations, worries, depression, money and brain busting thoughts continue to foray deep into my mind. I promise to blog whatever I can, even if its slightly unsettling , or plain boring to all of you. Buddies, really I miss you all!


I bought a humble desktop. After a SEk750i and a Panasonic GS400, it had to be a desktop! Laptops were overruled quite early in the decision making process , since i needed raw number crunching power (read that as video encoding). This sets my yearly indulgence at the magical figure of the minimum indian taxable income. Here's the detailed conf.

Intel E6300 Core 2 Duo 1.83 Ghz, Gigabyte GA-965P-DS3 Motherboad, Corsair 1GB DDR2-533 Mhz memory, MSI-Nvidia-7300GS 256 MB GPU, 160 GB Seagate SATA-2. Logitech Keyboard, mouse, LG 16x DVD-Writer, Gigabyte Casing with 300 W PS. + 2nd hand Viewsonic 17" CRT. (ouch! my eyes hurt). (Total cost : Around 40k INR). My last PC purchase was PII-350Mhz with 128MB Ram and 10GB HDD for 32k INR in the hostel :-)

Doesnt such a system deserve some real tough work to do. Sucker is lying idle. Ha ha .. Installed Vista (wow), reinstalled XP(after some spyware kept open a persistant connection to somewhere on the internet), updated M/B and gpu BIOS. Did some movie capturing, encoding, yup, its fast :-).
Cannot install any of the Linux flavours available now, because of some hardware architecture change ? Read about it here ... So, for the time being i am happy with Cygwin and sometimes puppy linux.



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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Moses is in a Pit

Moses is in a Pit,
its a flower pit of pity,
loved ones pour empathy from above,
honey bubbles from below,
it torments him like hell.
Moses is condemned in this flower
I feel sad about Moses,
He tries to dig through the petals,
Memories flash upon him,
and he is cast back into,
I wish, i could help him,
to lend a helping hand,
to climb those steep cliffs,
to cheer him up,
Everyone prays that moses escapes,
That he turns into a butterfly
and eats up the flower, that cages him,
and fly away to freedom,
when the gold underneath will be shattered,
and the revelation awakens him!

Divine Intervention: I tried 7 times to upload a small pic of a dissected flower. Couldnt :-) Kept timing out!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

In the mood for love

He remembers those vanished years. As though looking through a dusty window pane, the past is something he could see, but not touch. And everything he sees is blurred and indistinct. The ending lines from the movie. Will affect you more if you watch it. Simple stuff right, but something he could see not touch, its painful.

A nice sunday evening, i sat down to see the second half of the movie. I had made some tea for the occasion, and it was made to match the movie style, less amount of distractions like sugar and milk, more tea. The director sometimes was using shots through translucent glasses, i made my own by fogging my spectacles with vapors from my tea. And then comes that haunting music where they start moving in a strange slow motion, going through motions repeated in the movie, she climbing up those nice stairs from the local noodle shop, he with his cigarette with that sweet and sad expression on his face. There was love and there was pain.

The first half made me happy with the intimate shots of the characters, you see some of them, you hear some, you feel the rest, and you are in there, not somewhere far away. You feel the warmth that these nice families extend to strange people living with them. You love it. Later you hate it.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Thalassery | Simple Joy!


Yonder! Ram's Thuruth,
Sufeer and I raced towards it...
Delicious kallumakaaya in our tummies :-)
Wind in the hair, the sea's sweet voice..
Yeah! we ran on that beach...
ram clicked this pic.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

God's Debris

Yet another sleepy afternoon. After 2 hamburgers, this is what Harish came up with.

Facet. 2006. Coming soon.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Solaris Revisited

Imagine an ocean, spherical, volatile,
That which changes from violet to maroon,
transparent to opaque, restless to calm,
Something which reacts to your emotions,
Or rather, learns from your memories,
if it could etch, what you rememember...
if it could portray your dreams,
would your sense of reality, question ?

Cannot hold on to the present,
Mind wanders forth in to the future,
myriad paths, all infinitely thin,
randomly portrayed on the surface of solaris,
closely resembling our associative memory,
one thought leads to another,
like ink, that dropped into water,
tentacles , axions, dendrites ...

They all connect at some point,
they break off from some weaker earlier points,
think about, and , that bond becomes stronger,
forget, and, that bond is broken,
cannot stay at the present,
travel thru each of these possibilities,
maybe many at the same time,
They break, they connect,
and then they break again...

If possibilities are predictable,
the thought tree, torrents at lightning speed..
if choices threaten, they divide further,
and realm farther, only that each train now
is weaker than its parent..

Once in a while, god's hand gives a jolt,
the wake up call of reality,
but given enough 'sense' of monotonity,
the universe of life starts with the big bang...
Particles, waves , everything explodes,
They , those accumulated over the years,
the questions, purpose and fears,
they seeks refuge in every belief system,
that they can find...

Why did it explode in the first place ?
What would you be blamed for ?
Sorry, i cant write anymore, my mood is changed.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006



if i cannot post, what i want to post,
then is this a blog , or is this a frog ?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

My colleague's code...

Today morning, i found this at my friend's desk.

set mandatharam = true;


//Reproduced here, with his permission.
//No part of the above code maybe......

Saturday, August 12, 2006

RED (V.O.)
...and when they put you in that
cell, when those bars slam home,
that's when you know it's for real.
Old life blown away in the blink of
an eye...a long cold season in hell
stretching out ahead...nothing
left but all the time in the world
to think about it.

These walls are funny. First you hate 'em,
then you get used to 'em. After long
enough, you get so you depend on
'em. That's "institutionalized."

RED (V.O.)
In prison, a man'll do most
anything to keep his mind occupied.

Movie: The Shawshank Redemption
The script flows smooth.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

down by law

Venue : Collective Chaos
Movie : Down by law (Jim Jarmusch)
The theatre was really funny, a small hall with foldable(but good) chairs kept at different levels. Dark, and a little scary :). The movies are projected by a dvd projecter on a small screen, pretty neat setup. Later my friend(bd the movie buff) told me about the first time he came there, when they without realizing got in through the wrong entrance and were met with a big crowd. Guys and girls who couldnt find seats were lying down on the front part, the gap between the gallery and the screen and enjoying the movie, and they joined them. Exactly matching a dream of mine. That dream was much more cooler, with all the people lying down and watching the movies whole day, one after the other.
The movie started off with dark scenes (and it was b&w), and i was kinda getting an impression that its going to be a serious movie. Two of the protogonists(Jack and zack) were having bad luck, as in they had nasty friends. Both lands in jail. From here onwards, there were some lighter moments and lots of people were laughing behind me. I was thinking all the time, hey this is a serious movie, what will the director say if they found you laughing at such small things. It all changed when roberto benigni came into the same cell shared by our heroes. Both the guys kept staring at benigni, and benigni was fidgeting uncomfortable under the stare attack, and nowhere else to go. At one point, he dramatically takes out his notebook and with his italian accent says " If looks could kill i would be dead". The whole bunch of us lost our control, and from that point i realized, we are watching a nice comedy and not a serious movie :). Dim wit that i am.
The movie was very funny and nice, particularly after that. They wander around in a swampy area, which looked great in b&w. Also worth remembering was the woman who worked with Jack(incidentaly a pimp) in b&w, pretty and pretty much nude :).

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Trying to get out!

see you
hu hui hu
purathu chaadu
arudeyum purathu chaadan alla
get out !
get me out!

SMTP Console

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Gopal's Blog

If you didn't have to work so hard, you'd have more time to be depressed.

Courtesy: Gopal's Blog

He also has interesting blog on "Paradox of our age"

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Scared after Sunset

Scared of the Sunset
Afraid of the Aftermath:
Everyone's "left for the day". The office has become silent. I have finished reading the blogs, news, done some reading, talking, coordinating and begging.. I have heard enough music, seen enough movies... what next ?
8 PM.
The most dreaded hour in a day. To post-mortem the day and the past, to think about the future.
Thoughts, beyond a certain limit are the most dreaded company anyone can have.
"Dont think! Just do it" was an advice from a friend, or was it a foe?
I can barely blog... its repulsive... Like stepping down from talk to blog, now i have stepped down to one-liners.
A blog is too much. I cannot be coherent enough to last a paragraph, One liners are cool..
Like in memento... "Short things are sweet".

Elevators transport people and goods vertically. It is also a place where you are up close against a total stranger. An elevator is a place where destiny chooses two people to meet. Sometimes , if you are inside the elevator with a foe, or a person of the opposite gender, you spend the silent moments looking up at the ceiling, staring straight ahead or looking right down, hands tied. Stimbi once said that he felt awkward in the CTS lift, when a nicely dressed and sweet smelling g was standing really really close to him in the elevator. Things worsen, if there is no one speaking (which is usual). Thoughts shoot off in all tangents.

Asahishnutha: (Intolerance)
Incapacitated to live amongst the crowd. Fear of the crowd. Need for quiet, serene, calm .. harmony with nature, whatever. I dont know why, i hate the crowd. Take a walk in Nasr square, sabhka, .. bloody hell, you cant walk without hitting anyone. This place is infested with people. All a person owns here is 6 feets long, 3 feet wide and 5 feet high rectangular bunk bed space. Make it oblong, and yeah! thats were we all gonna end up!. Call me a crowd hater or whatever, i cant stand it!

Desperate by Desires:
S : "You like being desp ...".
J :"No, i dont! Are you gone nuts ? WHo wants to be desp ?"
S : "Do you really like to party after a great victory or party after a great failure ?"
J : "Alright, lets list out all the desires in the form of a mind map. Give me 10 years salary, a big room to stay, nice homely food, a calm serene and natural environment, and a high speed internet connection ."
S : "Sounds normal, except for the 10 year salary lumpsum, for which you'll need a lottery, or great investment plan, nut is that all ? I like your random word shoot out ... so shoot!"
J : "well .. here goes.... Web 2.0, Python, Java , J2EE, Solar Power Harvesting, Rain water harvesting, Water recycling, Clean fuel, Bicycle, Open spaces, wide open fields, village, Rain, Simple Technology,Fruit Juices, Fruits and Vegetables, Tea, Chips, Self boss, Movies, Music, Poetry, Automation , Aggregation, Security, Alter ego, Balance!"
S : "Good! Keep doing that, and you will end up in an assylum soon, For heaven sake, sort out your priorities and act upon them, one after the other.... instead of carrying all that filth in your brain ,and burdening yourself with the thought"
J : "Phew ...been trying that for quite long now."

Why dont you conform to the NORMAL life ? Why do you always rebel ? Given the infinite number of explanations, why cant you be happy with the simplest one ? Dont wonder about where the ELECTRON really is... Move on! Build your principles, take things for granted! dont be puzzled with how does a lighter work, use it!
Why do you question the obvious religion ? When you have discovered that its belief , all that matters.. whether you call it quantum physics or religion. Why do feel, you cannot walk with the crowd ? Why do you always step out ? Why are you so insensitive to others ? Why the heck , are you making this is a hate psyho blog ? look at ram ,and the simple blunkasy smile ... wooo hey! Look at sijin and the million things he does parallely, some work, some dont.. but what the heck, he knows exactly what to do next. Look at zeus, he is the hulk! And look at yourself, you are fed by nothing but your EGO and thoughts! Aargh! Disgusting..........

Probably this is the way its meant to be. To move from one Milestone to other, to keep up with Life, who is bent upon overtaking you, and showing his ass off.... Probably, there is no such thing as "Yup, i feel great". I just have to pretend, yeah, i feel great. Thanks to my coordination skills now, I beg to the Support fellow , "Please create a blah blah on the ssss with a 322222" , and in the next split second i say "foog you.mofo". Need to be spanked, to look at the billion poor indians, with nothing... Nay, i dont wanna think about anything. I am tired about my thinking brain!!!!!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

bad lines

lone_monkey : Hey, don't you think the mayflowers in bangalore are redder than mayflowers in other parts of the world.
prospective_female_company : Blinks(what the fuck).

lone_monkey : Hey, your tooth is twisted, why don't you put braces.
prospective_female_company : I am fine the way i am(How dare you).

She was pretty despite that twisted tooth :).

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A nothing blog

Have you ever wanted to say so much
But bit down on your tongue as such
Have you ever felt ideas expanding your head
so much that the pain threatened to leave you dead
Have you ever felt so inadequate
when you words remained unsaid
What am I doing? What am I thinking?
I cannot follow it as my cranial membrane is shrinking
I cannot hold on to a train of thought
I am stare like someone at the lights caught
I am scribbling again now
Things I cannot relate somehow

I feel the need to feel needed
I feel the need for applause
This is the moment that I dreaded
The moment I felt like a lost cause

Monday, June 26, 2006

da new day

da declaration
(friday : in the bus, me rambling incessantly without any support from roomie)
me: monday is a new day, from monday onwards, i am going to be more orderly, me will reach office every day before 9. Will work properly.
roomie: hmmm.
me: no buddy, its going to be new, brand new.
roomie: hmmm.

da oracle
(sunday : evening in the bus, mama calls)
mama: did you lose your mobile, i rang up a while before and someone else picked up.
me: no, i had it all the time.
mama: may be i dialed the wrong number.

da preparation
(sunday: night, preparations for monday, i set alarm in mobile for 7, and two reminders at 7:05 and 7:30)
me: foolproof.

da new day
(monday: morning 7:30)
me: what happened to my alarms. roomie, did you switch it off, roomie, give me my cell.
roomie: brrr.
me: roomie, where did you hide my purse.
roomie: brrr.
me: roomie, roomie, roomie.
roomie(the tank with 6 pegs inside, not a morning person): brrr.
me: where's your mobile, let me ping mine.
roomie(jumps up): i don't see it.
( roomie runs around the room searching for something).
roomie: good yaar, they got my purse but they didn't steal my cigarettes.
roomie: hey even my matches are safe.
me: i know, even if they took it, i know you have hidden reserves :). hey good thing that you didn't lock the door yesterday.
roomie: shit.
me: new day indeed :).

ps: thanks to robbers for not stealing my pc and my movie dvds(in which case i would have hunted you down and crushed your balls), thanks to the kind neighbor's who lend us money to get to the office.

Sunday, June 25, 2006


It gets to you. No matter where you are. No matter who you are with. It is bound to happen. It is probably just you in search of a kindred spirit. Sometimes it is just you in search of time away from kindred spirits.

Can't live with it. Cannot live without it. Khalil Gibran once said (though grossly misquoted by this psuedo intellectual) "Grief is the lathe that tears at our heart, making the cup for us to hold our joy"

Alas my cup of woes overfloweth.

Misery is my middle name. I cannot make new friends. I make new aquaintances, try to be as positive as I can. Slowly I start comparing them against rigid standards against higher examples of friendship. And the rot begins. I soon cannot even stand them. I do all I can to avoid them and their company.

After a few days they are happy as before and dont seem to notice my shift in attitude. I grow even more bitter at this indifference. I seethe. I rage. I bleed.

Yellow bile rises and I taste it at the back of my throat. I want to spit it out in spite. Instead I swallow it back down with inane conversations and Taco Bell Burritos.

It is just a rant. Ignore it.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

petty bullshit :)

so much light around,
i was searching for darkness
i knew at the bottom, who didnt
but i couldnt find it, the light is dazzling me

my friends told me, they cant see a thing
they saw omens, they heard voices
i smiled and couldnt believe it
my heart wept when i smiled

do i deserve this light of ignorance
i know i wont pay for it
but i feel guilty to enjoy this happiness
my head droop in shame, indulgent in petty bullshit

Friday, June 16, 2006


Its Friday afternoon and I am sitting in the office. I can see the Operators (Not +,-,*,/ The AS/400 operators) walk outta the Data center, look right thru me and say "Get a life, kid!". Yeah, there was some switch over activity DR to PROD , PROD to DR, DR to UAT, UAT to DEV , DEV to HELL.. Anyway, that got over by 12 and I am supposed to enjoy my weekend. But what the heck heh ? I just got gifted by this 2.86 GB of MP3s and I decided 23 deg c and the MP3s in full volume is better than anything else. And yeah, the beverage of my choice - Mountain Dew, i think its the extra caffeine in it, Tastes really yummy after a plate of Arabic Biriyani (Aargh!).

Ha ha ha, Can you believe this, Tina is shouting in my ears -- "You are simply the best!" .... Woohay! Clarification --> Its Tina Turner .. he he :-)

My dear India, you sting me back, every now and then. Every night, i turn and toss around in my bed.. sleepless.. You pinch me and wake me up to the aroma of home made tea, today's hartal news, the cold rebooted maruti. Its been around 2 months, I have never felt sooooooo unpresent, unreal! I cannot involve in the day to day activities here!. I cant listen to whats going on in the meeting! I am disturbed... Every few minutes i pause, look up and turn around in my seat. I take the walk to the loo, stop pause, like a lizard that comes running to the tiger-balm.

Whats happening to me? I dont have an answer to what i am going to do. Everything's ok now. Everything's going on as planned. But why the heck am i getting shuttled between 2 months behind and 6 months ahead?! I dont know what to do! Probably i am doing the right kind of work ? Probably i am not excercising enough to get sleep ? Maybe i am not eating well ? Aargh!.. I love this song .. Zinda theme = Yeh hein meri Kahani. I wish to film it in dubai, millions of indians away from their homes, toiling in this burning desert, pulling rickshaws, doing whatever they can, shaping Dubai's future, only to sacrifice their entire life, return home old and diseased and send back the next generation.
But are they better off in their bunk beds , than their mumbai or chennai counterparts , because they earn in dirhams ? Questions to be pondered upon ? what the fuck can you do with the Indian rupee ? Where the middle classes income is mockery...

I am sorry... That was an outburst. And hell yeah! I dont regret! ZEUS ! SHOOT!

Double Century!

Cranial Exodus has hit its Double Century! We have come a long way baby!
A Toast to the founder -> Balasankar,
and valuable co-contributers -> Ram and Me,
and Spiritual Guide -> Sijin
and for bouquets and brick bats(Comments)->Stimbi,Kesav,Uno, Freakie
//Listening to Aisha - Outlandish
Crowd Hater:

// This is dedicated to Sijin. Various parts of this are heavily skewed and are purely figments of imagination.
// Special thanks to Balaji, who just gifted me 2.86GB of MP3, in this music starved Desert.

// Now listening to: Matrix Theme - Asatoma Satgamaya - Navras.

Madhavan was older than Mahadevan and Meenakshi. He was the first child of Sivasankara Pillai and Parvathi Devi. Sometime during growing up, Madhavan's mind decided to take a break. By the time, he had got back, his siblings had already overtaken him. Nevertheless Madhavan remained a truly mamma's boy.

Madhavan's recurring nightmare, was when Madhavan and Mahadevan came late to home, and Parvati Devi decided to punish them. Parvati Devi belonged to a Kshatriya family and well versed with kalari. However, for now, She just took the cane and said "kai neetu! randu adi tharatte".
Tears started flowing from Madhavan's eyes. Mahadevan just stared along, with no expression on his face, Mahadevan never cried.

//Background Music has just now changed to "Na jaane koi" - Gangster
This was when Madhavan realized that he had no control over his tear glands. For reasons which he understood and most which he didnt, they filled up and choked him to death. Madhavan even thought of getting them operated out, and wondered why they were necessary in the first place.
When they grew up, Mahadevan decided to piggy back Madhavan, which added to his "Tear gland" woes.

//Shit! Mood spoiler - Song change - Sohniye | Strings - Whoever created that playlist!
Now, i have to write something happy. Madhavan was afraid of the crowd. Whilst it happened naturally to others, Madhavan couldnt easily speak out, introduce himself and mingle with others. Call him timid, introvert or whatever. Madhavan relished sleeping! Yup, sleeping was one "NON DEMANDING" task. Now, he he , you would want to add "Lazy" to the above list .. right ? Yeah , well, Madhavan liked sleeping and to this day, commands an uncanny ability to sleep at any time during the day, for as much as he wants. Talking about blessings eh ?

//Song change: Khamaj by Fuzon | Beautiful!
Enter Maya: Madhavan's love interest. Bold, outspoken girl, who becomes shy only infront of Paravathi Devi. Maya's influence of Madhavan was soon to be announced to the world. Madhavan nevertheless informed this in the form of a story to his friends _ Ram and Neo.

//Song : Aankhon ka Saagar by Fuzon
If there was anyone who could match philosophically with Madhavan, it was Balu.
If there was anyone who could sit alongside and code with Madhavan, it was Stimbi.
If there was anyone who could lead as much a careless life, it was Kesav.
If there was anyone who commanded as much respect, it was Soorji.
If there was anyone who could writes 256 lines of recursive c pointer code and be appreciated by the gnu c compiler as "Compiled Successfully", it was Benoy.
If there was anyone who could tell such convincing miracle stories, like how met god, it was Noufal.

However, Maya came along and woke up Madhavan from his sleep. Madhavan has not rested ever since. He put all his skills to use. He automated the whole of his Task bucket at Infy. He created software bots to program for him and fill his timesheets, at his company. Meanwhile, Madhavan was running around to find solutions to the "Maya" shock and his new found questions. Madhavan used to think deeply about AI - Aritifial Intelligence. He used to wonder ... What is it that defines "I" ? Will a robot ever feel about itself as "I" ? Why does Maya love me so much ?

Madhavan tried his luck at the stock market, burnt his fingers. Whilst doing all these, Madhavan never forgot to touch base with life, help friends philosophically, technically, monetarily. Madhavan is still regarded as the most helpful friend one can ever have! Madhavan would forget himself , while helping others. Madhavan could never see a bad trait in anyone. He just found the part which needed his help, and happily helped! Be it the 8th semester senior who walked into his room one night saying "I will give you my text, can you read it and teach me ?", or the stinking head torn dog, that stood behind him and watched Matrix....

What else do i say about Madhavan ? Or should I ? ....



The closest translation of this beautiful malayalam word is :
Apathy , Indifference, Lethargy, Lack of Zeal. (Courtesy: Ram, KP,

Even the pronounciation is not without some amount of Mystery.
The beginning "Ni" sound is not pronounced as in "Neo" or "Nimbus".
It is a peculiar sound gifted only to the malayalam language: "NNI".
Whats even stranger is that Malayalam has two N's vis-a-vis "NA" and "NNA".

"N" ---> paNi, muNi, dhwaNi
"NN" ---> paNNi, maNNa, koNNa, vaNNu, cheNNu.

NN is supposed to be N + N , but it has a literal of its own. (Two N coalesced)

Two literals (Thanks to the 52 alphabets - most producing funny noises amidst serious conversations!)
Anyway, since there is a dedicated "NNA" , why wasnt "Nisangatha" written as "NNisangatha" ?
Enter new rule: If the "N" is the first alphabet in a word, it should be pronounced as "NN".
Thanks. That explains "Nanni" (Thanks). Where you get to see the "N" and "NN" as neighbours, whereas both are pronounced as "NN".
Same rule applies for "Ninnu".
Logically then, we could have written Nanni as "NNaNNi".
Failure to comply with this "Nanni" rule is the easiest way to identify if Malayalam is his/her "mother tongue",
or whether, whether he/she thinks in malayalam.

Now guys, dont get angry, Ram asked me to blog, so... this ...

What exactly is Nissangatha ?
Was it what Benoy experienced when he got campus placement and sat at MH, one fine evening ?
Was it why most panjikaran friends smoked, looking up at the sky, in front of the college ?
Was it that which made Sijin think like no one else die ?
Was it where Ram escaped, when the environment was getting too loud ?
Was it what bubbled underneath Zeus' anger ?
Was it the sick f*** Neo's actual problem ?

He he!

This is a f**** ing disgrace to this blog! Banish me...

Yet another Nissangatha. This is the first blog (ever) that i blogged and then deleted. However, within that split second, Zeus spotted it and mailed me! So, here goes.. The f****ing Nissangatha! Yeeha!!!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Digging Graves

It is a fine morning for grave digging. I know this because I have just woken up and there is a shovel by my side. Unlike most movies would have you believe, the ideal time for digging graves is not a rainy, windy night but early morning when the sun is still not beating down on you.

I shoulder the shovel and dig. Slowly and patiently. I do not allow the thoughts of who the occupant of this new berth in netherworld would be. I do not want to think about it. In the back of my mind I can see him. But the face stays out of focus. In about 2 hours I am done. I throw the shovel aside and climb out of the six by three by four pit. I look to see if there is somebody that I can tell that I am done. There is no body. I call out into the woods. Nothing...For a while. Then something strange happens. I begin to split. Literally. A vertical line splits me in two. As the two halves begin to separate, a lizard's tail like regeneration takes place. In a minute there are two of us. There is one of us whom I would like to call Old self (or myself) and another whom I would like to call the New self.

Now why would I make this distinction? Purely because the one seems to be scared of the other and as far back as I can remember my life has been soaked in the smell of fear. So I identify with the fearful one.

The two bodies do not talk. Apparently there is no need. Until a moment ago the brain had been shared. So each knew to a great degree what the other was thinking. Eventually both looked at the empty grave. It hit them both at the exact same instant that it had to be filled.

The New takes out the Old. In a few minutes the New buries the Old. Am I dead? Have I been reborn?

The New pats down the earth, walks 500 steps away and falls to the ground. He sleeps. When he wakes he has no recollection of what he has done or where has been. He sees a shovel and suddenly feels the urge to go grave digging...

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Asatoma Satgamaya

Asatoma Sadgamaya
Thamaso Maa Jyothir Gamaya
Mrithyor Maa Amrutham Gamaya
Aum Shanti Shanti Shantihi

Lead me from the unreal to the real.
Lead me from darkness to light.
Lead me from death to immortality.
May there be peace everywhere.

Sidhartha | Middle Earth

"I have finished my annual leave, my sick leave (quota). Now I'm entering into half-pay, and (in two weeks) I will be unpaid,"

Fear of the Future, Fear of inability, Fear of loss of prowess, Fear of incapacity.
Fear was what drove Sidhartha onto an ordinary life, as dictated by Godly men.
He was taught to relish and thank for all the blessings he had.
This could only be accomplished by looking down upon the more miserable of his species. Those without limbs, those without food, clothes, those who had to carry a 2 ton ac on their shoulder , in the scorching sun for a living.

But, that night, when sidhartha looked out of the window of his studio flat.
even the nightly breeze seemed to prick on his face.
when he watched that mayhem beneath , fondly referred to as the city,
he could see the viomea float out of his chest.
He knew exactly where he would end up ...
1 year from now, 2 years from now, 10 years from now, if he ever survived ...

He looked back at the bed... In the faint glow of the table lamp,
he could see his wife and child sleeping peacefully, unaware of the turmoil in sidhartha's mind.
The answers are plenty, they only depend on which reality you wish to choose.
You can seal your minds doubts , by one blind belief,
by keeping yourself engaged in one activity after the other..

Sidhartha, was however, bursting from within,
old age, sickness, death.. The three thoughts that troubled his mind..
I should leave my kingdom...
I should my family ...
I should leave everything I have ..
I cant imagine what went through Sidhartha's mind, at that moment.

Now is the best time to leave, hasten... but,
if you are late anymore, life would have conquered you , yet another time ...
you are not as strong as Sidhartha...

Blind belief is very powerful,
it boosts one's self confidence to such heights, that many things are accomplished,
some say its the power of the mind,
Given enough time, any theory can be proved right, any theory can be proved wrong.
What does science and everything else tell us ?
Believe!! make up your mind!!
As long as you are not a threat to humanity , whatever you believe is right!
All roads lead to Rome.

Except that once in a while, your consciousness might poke you,
and you might stray a little from the path you have chosen , blindly..
but what the heck,.. you are doing everything you can!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Buggy Blogspot

Why are you not showing the latest post ?

For two whole days, blogger didnt show the latest post ..
I tried everything in my power... Republish, Resync, Republish, Republish Index .. blah blah blah ..

I could see the blog in edit mode , and if i typed the url. But it just wouldnt come on the home page.

Finally, i changed the theme, republished .. and voila! here we are..

Fixed the buggy bloggy..


Monday, May 29, 2006

Sijin sees an accident.

Sijin once asked "You are driving a bike... You are going to get run over by a trailer or a truck. You can see , its going to happen. You cannot escape. What do you do ?"

Ram, Me : ..

Sijin:"Put your head in.. You donot want to survive as a crippled! Die!" ..

This is a mail , i just got from Sijin.

day before, when i was ridin back home at 12 PM, on the deserted outer ring road, a TATA Sumo came flying from the other road over the divider... i just crossed the point luckily, and it tumbled twice...everythin was so fast.. first time saw a heavy body crashin like a toy car.... seemed like a dream... i helpd the passengers out.. helped them to push the car to upright position... one guy was a software engg..(Had a laptop). some truck drivers also came to rescue... i left 4 home.

yesterday i went to office, the road was so clean, so fast and nobody
heard abt any such thin..

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

zombies talking

Deados connected by the dead lines
Or Nerves made of copper wire, or even of nothing,
Talk about zombies, or see them here

Grievous tales pour out in silence,
Tales of loss, loss of words,
I can see his face, drawn and pale, and

I feel the death, for we are connected.

(its an old one)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Circling in the Air.

11.45 PM , 21st April 2006. I woke up with a slight headache in a slanting chair. I saw city lights thru window. They were not bright. It cant be dubai.. its been only an hour since i boarded the 1 hour delayed bus-plane air india express. I rubbed my eyes and tried to look again.. and voila! the plane now is banking on to its right side.
"Is it dubai ?"
"No , its kochi, we have been circling the city for the past one hour... "
"Ladies and Gentleman, This is your pilot , Arun kochchad, we have a small technical issue and will be landing back in kochi. Unfortunately , we cannot land for the next 2 and half hours. Please bear with us. FYI , this is nothing serious...."
A malayalam announcement cut in " kshemikkanam... blah blah blah .. enthennal ... oru saangethika thakararu moolam ...."
we circled cochin at various angles for 2 and half hours, and then landed back in cochin international airport.
The engineers tried to correct the "SLAG" (that was exactly what the malayalam announcement said) for about an hour and gave up.
Meanwhile, the guy sitting near me was frantically typing an sms. Ooooh! he switched on a mobile in the airplane ?
I sent two smses saying "Flight delayed by more than 4 hours".
We then were asked to "Deplane".. and board a standy-by air india express.
air india express middle rows 13,14,15,16 ... aah you cannot recline because of the emergency exit.
three seats on the left and three seats on the right. in between the left and right seats there is just enough space for a person to stand (giggle).
30 or more rows.
if the second or third passenger has to get up .. the whole row has to get up.
food is banana chips , rotten puffs and tea.
and as my friend seetharaman rightly remarked , they are truly a budget airline, they fly you for 6 or 7 hours, even when you pay for a 3 and half hour journey :-)
6 AM : i landed at dubai ... to top it all , i was expecting my baggage to get lost or the visa sheet in my passport to be torn , or be emptied for suspicious looking bottle of mango pickle..
none of that happened .. and i am back in the desert!
trying to smile ... trying to digest the fact that .. i am actually becoming a disgusting gulf malayalee!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Cat sleeping like a Dog (Pattiye pole)

Notice his rose tongue out!
This fellow was sleeping close to a shawarma(Hot chicken) stall. Bird flu attack?

Camera: k750i. Location: Deira, Dubai

Monday, March 13, 2006

ways to eat a water melon

- make thin slices, and eat them carefully, making sure that the flesh does not touch your face, but just goes inside your mouth, very unromantic.
- make big slices, with wide bottom, bite in, let the flesh touch your cheek, let it caress your upper lips, very sensual.
- take one hemisphere of the water melon as such, and hug it, keep it close to your heart. use a knife which is not very sharp to cut out pieces from it, and slowly eat them, very intimate.

really, to learn such things you should have time with you, like me :) and be a little mad too

drreams holy

neo is dressed like an arabi. we decided to walk the way from airport to neo's house. its arranged like velodrome, with green shrubs in the sides, sand after that and patches of water. we walked and walked until we reached a big entrance, like a fort entrance, with a closed door. neo climbed up along the side and went to the other side through a litle window. the other side was a space between two similar walls which formed the sides of the closed door. i followed neos lead, and reached the inner space. neo scaled the other wall also and i heard the tribal cry out of seeing his land. i fainted inside the small space due to lack of oxygen. neo the tribal chief of his land, with the help of his shingidis(sidekicks) pulls me out using an assortment of ropes. my senses comes back to me.
we were given a warm welcome at neo's house. i took my toothbrush and went for brushing near the pretty pond i saw on the way. the panchayat officer came out of nowhere and dragged me to his office. he asked for my entry permits. he charged me of breaking the lands rules. he asked for bribes. a group of people barged in demanding election id cards. i was roughed up by the group, i saw my papers flying out of my hand into the thick group and then to nowhere. i woke up in despair.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Indian in the west

4:16 AM
I have lost sleep for more than an hour now. It is painful to stay awake when your brain is within a void. I can't think of anything for the past hour. I am running in circles around my own head. They say it could be jetlag or something like that. I think it has more to do with the mind and the body being in different places.

It has been more than 24 hours since I landed here in Middletown, Connecticut. I haven't called anybody since I haven't learnt how to work the phone yet for making international calls.

What a sorry excuse...Went to office today. Did nothing but meet people. Friends and Foes. Walked all around the office which is a modified shopping mall, vaguely reminiscent of Sprencer's Plaza Chennai.

It is cold out here but still above zero (I still think in degree celsius!). The journey here was largely uneventful as was the Immigration and Customs process. The only exciting moment was when I had a Vodka on the Lufthansa flight from Frankfurt to Chicago. It is a cool drink to say the least. Bitter but unlike beer it gets better if you let it in slow!

I know a lot of alarm bells are going off now at my house (if my sister reads this!) but I had to find out for myself what the big deal was with alcohol. Not much at all. Gives you a warm feeling inside. Thats abour it...

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Ram's Movies

Some weeks ago, Ram was here. He gave me 2 DVDs with a buncha movies that he very
much enjoyed. It was an eclectic collection to say the least. As Far East as Kim
Ki-Duk from Korea to the typically occidental Richard Linklater, while passing
through a distinctly European Luc Besson and Brazilian Walter Salles.

So here I was reliving my college days as I munched on more than I could chew.
Having said that the recent brain damage that I have sufferred at the hands of
colleagues and superiors left me incapable of appreciating the highly visual East
Asian cinema. Something that has been common among the various Taiwanese and Korean
films that I happened to see in Ram's DVDs, was that the storytelling was highly
visual and the dialogues were always more of a background score than the main
substance of the movie.

There was a time that I could appreciate such movies, now I prefer if somebody else
does the thinking for me. Which is why I gravitated towards the Non-Asian movies a
lot more.

There were 2 movies by Linklater, related to each other if I might add. Before
Sunrise and Before Sunset. A lovely pair of movies about 2 people who spend one
night together and then meet again 9 years later. Beautiful locales, electric
chemistry and a narrative flow that never let us feel time.

A totally sexy actress Julie Delpy and her lilting French accent to boot made me a
sucker for these movies. Somebody please tell Karan Johar and Yash Chopra that this
is how love stories are made!

And the gals get a hot looking Ethan Hawke (The former Mr.Uma Thurman...a great
actor in his own right) in the first part. He still looks good in part 2 but he has
aged so much he looks sad...

And then there was Leon by Luc Besson (the genius who gave us The Fifth Element as
well!), which was the stunning movie debut for a precocious 13 year old Natalie
Portman. Then of course there was the quintessential French man Jean Reno as Leon.
Without a hint of perversion let me say that the two shared a chemistry that rivaled
Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawkes's chemistry in the Linklater movies.

Then of course there was the Brazilian Salles who helmed the impressive Motorcycle
Diaries. Awesome cinematography and a rhythmic spanish dialogues to boot. How could
I love the sound of a language that I don't know? This was a story about Che Guevara
and his motorcycle trip across the Americas in his youth. A trip that defined his
thought process as a revolutionary. There were no overt sermons but the very
experience of watching this movie questioned my very purpose of existence (bad only has wrong answers). Majestic background scores made sure that the
film experience lingers for a long time.

Ram! Buddy I love you for these 2 DVDs! Keep them coming!

P.S I will talk about the Asian movies later when I can get around to digesting all
of them!

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Wachowski Brothers

Warner Brothers:
"And what exactly are you trying to do?"

Wachowsi Brothers:
"Find an answer"

Warner Brothers:
"An answer to what?"

Wachowsi Brothers:
"An answer to 'Why?'"

Wachowsi Brothers:
"We encourage the consciously curious to flip back and forth going from complexity to simplicity, from the internal to the external, and somewhere between the search and the denial of meaning, we ask the curious to 'make up their own damn mind.'"

As always, we thank you for your support.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

wet dream(fiction)

(location : a small software company)
(mood : lazy)
The employees are trickling in for their daily fixed working hours, where they chat, watch movies and chat more. Manager calls everybody to the cafeteria for a quick chat. Employees livens up, expecting some fun news. Manager tells them to fuck off, it seems the company is closed from this day. The lone monkey who was sitting peacefully until then as part of the group, jumps up runs for the exit. Goes home and continue watching shitty programes whole day in his confortable easy chair. His whole body goes limp in the chair, until the next meal time :). Only if it was not a dream.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Pray For Me...

I am quaking in my boots in fear as I try to be sincere.
I am shaking with anticipation as the day draws near.
What if this or what about that?
Questions within and also without.
If-Then loops in circular references, gathering momentum, storms, then stands.
Plaguing my limited vision that can't see past choices it cannot understand.

Do I want this? Is this what I need?
I wish I knew.

P.S. My Visa Interview tomorrow. Pray for me!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

The Village

Edward Walker: We may question ourselves, at moments such as these. Did we make the right decision to settle here?

Edward Walker:We are grateful for the time we have been given.

Lucius Hunt: What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm?

August Nicholson: Who'll pinch me to wake me up? Who will laugh at me when I fall? Whose breath will I listen for so that I may sleep? Whose hand will I hold so that I may walk?

Courtesy: The Village, 2003, M.Night Shyamalan

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Escapist | Treatise

Have you ever gone mad ?
Have you ever felt totally out of control, being force fed by some powerful, invisible, omni-potent, magnetic gravity ?
Have you lied to yourself ?
Have you cried bitterly in bed, when you couldnt get sleep ?
Have you heard your voice introducing yourself ?
Have you acted infront of a mirror ?
Have you ran through a deserted hallway, corridor, lane ... just to feel free ?
Have you felt your heart would burst , if you heard any more violin ?
Have you wanted that every morning would feel, just like after a good jog at 6 am ?
Have you had voices in your head endlessly reason out things ?
Have you felt unable to talk ?
Have you made things unimportant, and reassured yourself that they are temporary, so that you wouldnt desire them ?
Have you tried to drown yourself , in books, movies, music, code , being busy or in loneliness?
Have you noticed all the unusual commas , and constructs in the above sentences ?
Have you followed someone irrationaly ?
Have you subjected yourself to be discipline, because you thought it was wrong to be otherwise ?
Have you accused of yourself as selfish ?
Have you thought about yourself more than anyone else ?
Have you forgotten how you look like because you are so involved in understanding how you think ?
Have you tried to dream of something, so that exactly the opposite would happen ?
Have you pulled over at a highway, rung up yourself and talked something , because you had not talked in a while ?
Have you always believed in that you can really write your future, but its too tempting not to!
Have you believed that Knowledge is power, Humility is control and Desire is weakness ?
Have you ever felt so lazy, you couldnt even eat ?

The Sea Inside

The Sea inside is a wonderful movie making experience by Alejandro Amnebar. (Director : The Others, Open your eyes, Vanilla Sky)
Infact, i enjoyed the bonus DVD more than the actual movie. Alejandro steps you through the entire experience, right from conceiving the idea to scripting , casting, shooting, composing, editing ......
Alejandro likes to own his movie as much as possible. He is the Director who works closely with the Cinematographer.
He is also the Co-script writer. Now for the unusual .. He is the editor as well as the Music Composer!
The Sea Inside is based on a True story and is about Ramon Sampedro , or mercy killing.
Yet, Alenjadro has scripted it in such a positive way, that you really respect the decision, in the climax scene.
Javier Barden has done a brilliant job! I thought that he was really 55! Only in the "Behind the scenes" did i realize that the guy is the fellow shown in the flash back.
He deserves an award for sure!!
Alejandro also explains the special effects and how the window views are really backlit translucent screens.

Life was sailing along at a smooth speed. I enjoyed watching the horizon, and the pattern decorated skies in the evening, whilst munching on Falafel (Veg) sandwiches.
I felt like Life had really slowed down. There are no more brain damaging deadlines, schedules , meetings. I could easily manage the mundane job from 8.30 to 5.30.
I had even plucked a couple of white hairs. I felt at peace ....
The only occassional thoughts were "Have i settled down ?", "Have i given up, and accepted that i deserve only 20 days vacation in a year, to spend with family and friends ?"
"Have i become an NRI" ?
Suddenly out of nowhere, brother came along and shifted the gear to TOP. my sailing boat turned into a jet !
I can now hardly gasp for breath... Things are happening at a break-neck speed. "Am i really ready for all this?" . Nope.. no way!

It has been my inability for quite some time to speak out, talk ... at the right time. I'd rather prefer an email. This has led me to all sorts of dangers, Yet i have never given up on this
escapist method of communication. Zeus and Ram commented lately that I dont blog/write like i did before. If you'd notice this blog itself, its mostly about "I" and things around me.

Choice. That is the problem. Salute you "The Architect". Choice is driving me mad!
You wouldnt believe, but i had visualized all this happening, some time back. Tried to believe would be a better term than 'visualized'.
Would you believe, if i said, that all of this till this point (the moment i am writing this blog), i knew, it would happen like this.
And i cannot see further.. why ? because "You cannot see beyond your choices!" -- AH! Matrix is the bible. (My 10 DVD ultimate matrix should be in air, or in the sea now!)

I am beginning to believe that it is not entirely difficult to forecast the maze of your choices and the path you would tread if you follow one simple rule,
"None of your choices should be of any direct damage to humanity". It would be much clearer, "If you are really helping someone, even if that someone is you"

Have i said enough crap for one day ? ;-)

Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Escapist

Yet another poster designed by Harish

Friday, January 20, 2006

3 little pigs

I wrote 3 short verses/lyrics/crap/poems/whatever.
As my ever suffering audience, put up with it...

When I got no mails today from the group

All dead leaves in a pond, pushed ‘gainst another
By random ripples of destiny’s hands
Never getting together by own volition
Only through collision by chance

When some one needs a code she cannot crack…
When some one needs a level she cannot hack…
When some one needs a mail update he cannot otherwise see…
Is that the only time that they mail me?

When after a brief spurt the mails died down

Relentless summer sun upon the earth’s brow
Constant hammering turns the mental tissue to mush
And Lo! Upon the western skies, clouds flying low
Shed a few drops, soaking the parched land to slush

Kicking up noisy puddles in fatal glee,
Children lost in a wilderness of pain.
Am I seeing them or am I seeing me,
In vague visions, watered by the rain

Then the promise betrayed
As quickly as it was made
The sun came out, with its chariot in tow.
Then went on negating everything undone till now

The rain had died and it was summer again
Parched throats and empty eyes scanned the skies in vain
First there were some and now only too few
So the thirsty poet penned his petition anew.

When there were reports of a generously rounded female admirer of these words

And swaying in regal majesty,
The tusker approached the beautiful behemoth.
Trumpeting, deep and sonorous, putting his best foot forward.
The tusker almost passes by
But gives her the eye
And stops to give her a line
“How you doin’?”

Now there I have blogged...Now you do your part. Comment. Blog in return...Boquets...Brickbats...Bring it right on!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Night | The Poster

Today was a free day. Was feeling terribly homesick in the morning. Browsed for a while. Couldnt concentrate on anything. went over to harish's desk. Poor chap was on a tight deadline, trying to finish the project before his urgent 1 week vacation to india. Anyway, we started designing some part of his project module and ended up with a great poster. Really creative guy!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Lone monkeys first day of the year

Driving range. Bored and irritated me waiting for my chance to try the H. A girl taking nasty long time to understand the H. And just before my chance comes, the gas cylinder runs out. And it seems there is no alternate petrol reserve also. I watch the instructor and some support person, trying to suck out petrol out of the cars rubber tubes using their mouths. They try and try until the battery runs out. The inner me trying to tell the outer me, that things are still not bad, as i could watch the nice looking tiled buildings around. As the last resort we all started pushing the vehicle to a good speed and putting it on gear to start it. We all felt the spirit of the kekexili patrol men as we raced the very heavy maruthi 800 to an explosive speed :) just to hear the thud response. Atlast someone finds out that even when the petrol tank is full, no fuel is coming out of the tank outlet.

I started thinking how good the year is going to be if it started like this. Walking away i see this huge collection of plants on sale. For better luck i bought a nice little plant with big white flower.

Me wandering around like a lone monkey, looking for a polythene cover to hold the plant properly. I found a chinese restaurant instead. The waiter was a tall fellow, with a tight stomach, and very prominent ass, and he had a very sharp nose, the image fitting waiters picturized in old mallu literary magazines. I took the clue, and searched for the total image. The restaurant was a display of my future. Me with a chubby girlfriend on one table. Me with wife and two kids in two other tables(options are pretty wife and two very sweet looking girls with pony tails and ugly wife with a nasty boy and a sweet girl). Me and my wife with my son and his wife at another table(that was a nice picture). Very old me and my very old wife with a sweet grandson in another table(not a very happy picture). I felt my happiness reserves going down in moments, offcourse, when your whole life is flashing in front of you. I wished i had a gadget with which i can take some happiness from a friend. And surprisingly found the exact gadget in my pocket. 5 minutes and happiness back to full. Fried noodles and wanton chicken came in very big bowls. The noodles scalded my hungry tongue. In between i saw the bunch of hot girls(notice the one with big breasts wearing the red top) moving into the picture, but since all the tables were occupied, the bloody waiter ruthlessly expelled them. I couldnt handle it anymore, i stopped eating, packed the leftovers, got an extra cover to pack my flower pot, paid the bill and ran out like the lone monkey.

kekexili - the mountain patrol

The movie is about a group of volunteers protecting the endangered tibetan antelopes on the western high deserts of china. The volunteers are not paid, are ill-equiped and are losing to the poachers when the movie starts. We witness the killing of a lone volunteer by the group of poachers. This news brings a reporter from beijing to the place and the rest of the story is told from his perspective. The group has a strong leader, Retai, who commands the respect of the rest of the group. The other members of the group are mostly village guys who have their simple life someone to love them back in the village. The force that’s binding is the love for the tibetan antelopes and the hatred for the poachers. The most moving moment was the scene where they see the carcasses of the antelopes which were killed by the poachers. We feel the emotions in their mind, as they react to it. Its as if a part of their body is dead and that too because they failed in their duty. Another moving scene shows the exhilaration of the group when they manage to push their truck out of the mud in the river, a task which looked impossible.
They tracks down the group of local people who helped the poachers, and carries on to find the poachers. We slowly witness the grant and peaceful high desert turning into a dangerous third group trying to defeat the volunteers, one part is stranded with a broken jeep with no provisions in the snow, another guy takes a wounded volunteer to the hospital and while coming back with supplies, is sucked in by quicksand. The great Ritai marches on with the reporter fellow and is killed by the poachers.
The movie is based on true incidents and they say that one year after the defeat of the volunteer group the government started steps to protect the antelopes. Also some of the remaining volunteers were charged for selling the confiscated skins which they were doing as a last resort when out of money for patrolling.