One Of Two

Camp Six. Location - classified. Mission parameters - vague. Assets in place - Delta One & Delta Two. Hostile Elements - Naked tribals armed with poison arrow tipped blowpipes. Standing orders - Do not use hostile force until forced into combat when reduced to minority against Hostile elements.

Delta One woke up with a start to the sound of buzzing insects. He picked up his rifle loaded with rubber bullets. He walked up to Delta Two in the Gaurd Tower. Delta Two was sleeping too. One kicked Two in the shins and said, "Wake up, Shit watch." Two stirred awake and picked up his rifle and army-issue insect repellent tube. The two walked to the clearing behind the camp perimeter. One tossed a coin to decide who would go first. It was One's turn today as well.

One squeezed out a generous helping of the insect repellent before pulling down his fatigues. He smeared it all over his butt before settling down to take a dump. As he sat down, he pointed the gun between Two's astride legs, guarding Two's back. Two tried to ignore the obnoxious sounds and smells from below as he pointed the gun over One's head.

This was an undocumented Camp Six Standard Operating Procedure. No body could wander out of the perimeter without risking a run in with the tribals' blowpipes. So basic operartions like this had to be done in twos with one guarding the other's back.

Trying to focus on something else, Two asked One, "What do you suppose they will tell our families if we got killed while taking a dump by an arrow in the ass"

One grunted, though not necessarily in assent, "Probably the same official communique that every one gets...We regret to inform...Was killed fighting insurgents...while fighting courageously in the line of fire...You know...the works"

Two "You faced the line of fire ass first? How do you suppose they will explain the wound?"

One, face twisted in pain at the military rations that wouldn't be broken down by his intenstines, said "That is what you get when you put your ass on the line for the country. SHIT! That was hard!"

Two looked at the end result in horror "Did you eat an elephant yesterday? That is a mother lode if ever there was one!"

One, much more relaxed now, "Shut up and watch my back."

They were silent for a while not before Two piped up again "Do you know what this looks like? One military man standing upright with legs apart and another military man squatting in front of him..."

One "Shut up @sshole! Hand me the paper and smear yourself with the insect repellant. You are next!"