Depression - how to deal with it

Depression - An Emotional Turmoil

Essentially we are all helpless,
but that doesnt mean we don't show off :)


Last time i called Ram, he said he was depressed.
Depression is a disease, which we all suffer from..
Frustration comes in immediate succession to Depression.
"lashes of Depression" . .that would be a good usage... with every lash, you fall deeper into the black hole, until you react.This reaction is of mostly a violent form.

The best way to deal with depression is to do something that will make you feel humbled, awed, humiliated .. no dont feel humiliation, that will get you back to depression.

Now, feeling humbled would be extremely difficult for a LEO,
because there are rarely things that he doesnt excel in,
though sometimes synchronized acrobatics do make them
feel humbled.

Feeling AWED is the easier of the two. Its pretty simple.
Get out of your city , Get out of your work, Go back to the Nature.
Depending on personal choices, you may prefer to be lone(which i like),
or keep the company of close friends. Here is what i do..
I take out my bike and race on the ECR (The East Coast Road) ,
till i have a near death experience. The feeling is profound...
the perfect mix of being humbled and awed. The last time ,
it was raining heavily, god was flashing his torch every now
and then , cars were moving dead slow, even the rain drops that
touched my hand were hurting me.. oo, 100 kilometre per hour!
steady..as a rock ... so this is essentially the point where my
depression reaches a peak of haught (a word which bala dont like).
and then suddenly, a cow which was crossing the road , stopped
abruptly , and started walking back .. EEEEKS!!! I almost hit..
the curve drops abruptly to ground zero! phew... I am still alive,
Now that is where i feel a little humbled, Repeat this a few times,
WIthin an hour or so , i am at some lonely beach , just me and the sea,
and then you can chew on your good old memories , this is when you
have an erection again... i mean you go up the curve and rest there
for sometime .. but good old memories are few and then you
(in classic eminem terms) .. snap back to reality , up there goes gravity!
oh... you are so sad.. (big secret .. you could try crying out loud too
no one is around ; but i prefer screaming and shouting at the top
of my lungs) .. aah what a satistfaction it gives ....

if you are sure of yourself, you could try some physical excercises,
which leave you exhausted.. (tried running ?)
I feel humbled when i see life around me .... such a complicated thing...
People scurrying around.. i feel humbled , when i see parents trying
to get the best for their children, i feel humbled watching even the
simplest machinery, and i am happy for my ignorance .. because i can
be humbled so easily ... i can even be humbled by a good illaichi tea:)

maybe we are too immature, but thats really a good thing , because
if we are 17 at heart , we are doing things that most 17 yr olds
cannot because ,we are really 23 and earning something , staying alone,
bachelors and a lot lot other reasons...

depression can be broadly classified as two

Class 1 : People Hater
Solution : Be Awed ... Get back to Nature ..

Class 2: General Depression
Solution : Be humbled .. Look around and see lesser life around you
(Just ignore the greater life , they mean nothing ;)


Love can be the root of some, if not all Depression, amongst us
bachelors. Now, the reason , i use Love and not Lust or Sex is because,
essentially we all are good people, and not perverted bastards. Noone
would really want to go bang bang as they show in the tripleX movies.
Watching such stuff would never make you depressed ...
The Dangerous ones are those who display DIVINE LOVE ..
"TO know someone every square inch" as bala rightly remarked ....


TO BE CONTINUED ....

I remember bala saying about failure once, that let it be small or big failure is failure. I can feel it now. No matter what they say, that it was a game or you learned something from it, failure is failure and its crushing me down....

backward growth

feeling humbled by the new surroundings. feeling timid. afraid. dependant. would like to feel pain. would like to enjoy the pleasure in gambling. would like to be a little more normal. good blogs friends. will join you soon.

truly, madly, deeply

stagnating in this incessant pool of python orgies,
vocabulary doesnt count, nor does grammar,
its only the capability to lick arse ! right after a flung dung ...
and i spoke to myself on the Phone, after pulling over at a highway ?!!!
if thats possible, i can very well create 4 real life characters,
and call them dog, zeus, ram and morpheus and live their lives too!!!!

sucide in easy installments

So I finally enrolled in a gym and am killing myself a few grams at

a time. The pain is continuous and never lets up at all. Just when

you think you are used to it, you go there and do just that little bit

more which makes you feel a lot more dead and leaves you a little

more alive...

Enjoying my final days in this office of mine before i shift to a new company. one year and two months. hell happy ness for a lazy fellow. a company which has been working for more than 3 years making not a penny of profit. a ship sailing towards a huge goal, with a buch of simple people and a great captain on board, none seems to beleive in the goal. the atmosphere is cozy, like a family. we even have a grandma (captains mother in law) residing in the lower floor who scolds us when we leave the lights or ac on.

Going Home

Its feel nice to step back into the shoes of the goody good mama's boy, even though its for a couple of days. Its a place , where everything is taken care of, where i sleep at 10 and wake up at 6 no matter what. For 6 months after the entrance exam, i was at home. It felt good actually. I was least concerned about the commotion going on for the Re-valuation. I actually did what i felt.. watched a lot of movies, ate a lot (whenever i felt), got myself a driving license, thought of learning C programming (ha ha), and slept .. snored ... in peace ...

Every morning .. there was breakfast ready at the table ...
Clothes were neatly arranged in tha almirah, just to be selected . (Holy! they were even ironed!).

If i had continued staying at home ... hmm lets just assume ....
I should have been teaching in some near by college about computer science .. a clean 9 to 6 job with 10k in hand ? .. some extra hacking / cracking work ... sundays off ... i dont know .. maybe i would get bored ..

is there anything we dont get bored of ? .. or is there anything i am bored of ?



There was a time, when i used to restrain myself from writing Shit , i mean , things which i felt was absolute shit ..probably because i had a concern for the reader ? (nay i didnt have any concern for the reader , even if it meant me reading it for a second time .. - refer the Lets fly like pigs .. over the green grass poem!!!) ...

But since you guys are churning out classics (ram is famous for his RESTRAINED WORDS WHICH PIERCE LIKE ROSE THORNS).. I thought of taking an alternate plan .. called
TOTAL EXPRESSION .... bala gave up his Rhyme ?!! Man, that was natural ...shouldnt have done it ....

Counter dream

It was my first year in pre-degree. And we were learning about short
cut methods to solve work related problems and one interesting problem
involved a train encountering a slope. That night i had a dream and in
the dream i was standing near a railway track. I had this bad urge to
purge but there was a constraint. I should find the slope of the rail
and there by calculate the extra energy required from the train engine
to cover the slope and only after finding the answer i would be
allowed to purge. And in the mean while i woke up and felt the real
emergency. I had a bad case of loose motion that night.
The point is that you dream about some thing and your physical status
plays a role in it. If the ante thesis is true wild dreamers are in
deep trouble.

My first nightmare

I must commit to the bits and bytes of faraway computers, a nightmare I had, before my own brain wipes the last vestiges of its existence in my mental hard drive.

I went to sleep last night at about 1:00 am. Not too early, not too late. There I was sleeping peacefully, seeing myself do all those incredible things I always wished I could do but never can and never will...hitting Shohaib Akthar for consecutive sixes...Overtaking Michael Schumacher on the outside...Scoring a hat-trick against Arsenal while playing for Man U...Dancing...

I usually fall asleep at this point...But yesterday was a little different...I dont know when the changeover occurred but I will try and retrace the steps I took...

I was standing on top of a hill looking into a sparsely wooded valley at the crack of dawn. It was peaceful and calm as all dawns are expected to be...even if there was any noise in the valley below it would have to be frighteningly, unnaturally loud to have made its way up to where I was standing. Despite the distance my vision was surprisingly clear I could make out the leaves at the edge of the valley with ease...a virtual real vision. Then suddenly from the eastern edge, as if born of the sun, a horde of horsemen appear charging down the valley, their hooves indistinct individually but generating a roar that felt like a waterfall. All horsemen were dressed alike in long red robes with cloaks over their heads. They carried no weapons at all but were menacing nonetheless. Suddenly in one motion they turned a wide curve and headed up a steep ravine without breaking pace. I turned in a slow circle to follow the path that lay ahead of the horsemen and it ended at my feet. In an instant I saw what it meant...They were coming for me. My death waited for me, either at the hooves of the horsemen or amidst the rocks of the valley behind me. I looked back into valley one more time and saw more horsemen flooding the valley. I turned again to face the hooves that bore upon me inexorably...it was almost like music to my ears. Never changing... never breaking tune...I sensed my breaths getting deeper and I was painfully aware of the low oxygen at that altitude as icy daggers stabbed my lungs.

I realised at some point through all this it can't be happenning...and that my eyes were closed. I forced them open and found myself at home and alone...I still was breathing hard and my lungs still felt cold...

I woke up today morning with a severe cold...for which there is only one plausible explanation...

A tormented feeling

I am sitting in my neat little cubicle, the master of my little universe. And I twist and turn with the dinner of many nights rolling in my guts. The one thing i would love to do now is run into a loo and take a shit but i am expected to sit here, smile beatifically like a drugged cow and write test cases.