Fatherland

This dense land calms me

with its long narrow walking lanes,

hard soil with coarse trees

and the feel of my father’s steps

In that plot on my right I could see

joys of communal farming, places

where toddy fell on the ground and

the little smiles around that patch

I forget the harsh sounds that

echo in my years of my father’s name

being called by kids half his age

stripped naked without a respectful tail

I forget the mounts that my mother climbed

and insults she took while hungry and tired

with me in her belly and mind

and her futile dreams of happiness and light

And I measure each sound here, each breath

in this land, study the dead bodies and

the live ones. To learn the secret of the beasts

who raped this paradise of warmth

Neo versus The One

Yet another long Flight conversation. I don't beg your pardon for the incoherent "R"ambling.

Neo: You cannot bring that analogy. Are you deliberately shooting tangents to add to the randomness of the equation?

The One: You do understand that you are just another iteration of me plus a half-lifetime of experience.

Neo: Exactly my point. Isn't one half-life enough for a new revelation or life changing experience. You would agree that though there might be precursors, change always can be attributed to One moment.

The One: No. That's the whole point. Your life is just a progressive elaboration of your predecessors. You are not expected to override the foundations and start off something totally new. Your life is that of the "The One".

Neo:  Should everything be "One" ? What about duality? "Ying" and "Yang"? Good & Evil?

The One: Try re-arranging the alphabets of your name. Neo - One. You should stand for the principle of "One". Singularity.

Neo: Explain please.

The One: One life, One birth, One death, One dad, One mom, One brother, One sister, One wife, One daughter, One Son.

Neo: Well, without re-arranging the letters of my name , its "Neo" , which means "New". I am supposed to add something "New" , to what is already known.

The One: Yes. Do "add" something new. Not override or delete whatever existed before.  Add something in minor increments, you are free to add anything from 6.1 to 6.9. But, 7.0 is the right of your successor.

Neo: I am only asking you to consider a minor Anomaly. Its not like we are completely devoid of anomalies. Heck, my purpose is to gather all anomalies and return them to source. Can't I generate an anomaly of my own?

The One: Yes, do gather existing anomalies and return them to the source for our better understanding. If you add something radically new, it would defeat the purpose of "organizing the world's information".

Neo: Let's back track to this obsession with "one" for a moment. Why not dual like "good and evil"? Or why not the Holy Trinity - "Father , son and holy spirit? or Quadra - "The four headed brahma who sees all around past present future unseen", the four headed lion of asoka, or Penta - the five elements - "Earth, water, fire, wood, metal" or Six schools of thought "consciousness and matter, meditation contemplation and liberation, logic, atomism, orthopraxy, vedanta" or the Seven skies and Seas, or the Eight - the existence of "eight" in nature all around, or the 9 lives, or the 10 avatars of god? Why stop at ONE and be obsessed by it? Why not Zero then?

The One: You answered it yourself. If you decided to step away from "One" in either direction, be it positive or Negative , there is no ending. You wont be able to stop yourself from moving forward or backward. You will find excuses to believe that what you have "One" is not enough, you need 2, 3, 4 and so on.... Or In the reverse way, you will find excuses to give up more and more, believing that you already have too much, so you would subtract things from your life -1,-2,-3 and so on ... In either case, you will either end up having "too many things" , if you keep adding things .... or you will end up "dead" , if you keep subtracting things. Given enough time, anyone can prove anything. You must stick to "One".

Neo: If that was the case, if everything was perfectly arranged at equal distances, and was "One", wouldn't we cease to exist? Why bother to wake up every day?

The One: Can you guarantee that you will stop at this "one" small addition / anomaly?

Neo: You can easily corner me with that, because I am the one asking for the change or choice. This conversation is not ended. I will change this to me questioning you, when I have enough evidence at my side. Heck, I am Human, not a machine like you.

The One: I will be waiting right here.

32 | Middle Earth

This is middle earth. This is the break-even point.
Do not look back at what you have run through.
Nor at the waterfall and the skies that lay ahead.
Stand right here, at this moment,
and feel the murmur of anxiousness fade away

From this moment, whatever you want is a luxury,
Whatever you dread is an inevitable consequence of living,
and none of your steps shall be on the feet of another,
Taken enough, Given enough, Stay.... Don't let go

On the right horizon is the crescent of Khairullah (Kerala),
pictured on the skies are the faces of loved ones,
On the left horizon high aloft , the glowing sun of aboodhabi,
with blessings, love and grace of a foster parent

This is 32, not 23 nor 64, this is middle earth,
Look empathetic ally at the less fortunate ones,
Look sympathetically at the more arrogant ones,
Carry your own Climate, making them wonder - and he smiles!

Breathe in, Breathe out, and realize ...
There is nothing more you want, nothing less either,
This is that perfect moment of being alive,
Being content with discomfort, Being alive at unplanned

Phew... This is yuk! Cant write anymore....

The Man from Earth

Quite simply, one of the best movies ever made

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0756683/

If you can get 5 University Professors with PhD's to believe what you say , over one fine afternoon with Jhonny Walker Green, you can make the world believe it as well :)

Watched it again after many years. Simply Fantastic.

Upstream Color

From the creator of "Primer" , Shane Carruth, comes his next experiment - 'Upstream Color".  I have no clue what this cinema means, and will probably keep coming back to it to understand more.

Prepare to be baffled. Down right scary at times. Confusing. Artistic. Philosophical. Haunting.

Shane Carruth is the Hero, Writer, Director, Cinematographer, Editor, Composer & Co-producer of the film. Phew!

PS: See at your own risk!
Fingers Frozen. My writing skills have been so damned with RFPs, Proposals, PPTs and spreadsheets, that I have to borrow this line from Pastemagazine.com about the movie ... "The movie, though, with all of its weird sidetracks and dead ends, is so uniquely itself that it is worth the frustration." 

Summer

a blob of butter in a saucer

a cube of ice in a glass

a bunch of flowers

and a small heart

rays of sun through the shadows

air, with dust and pollen

small beats from the childrens' feet

all together and he kept vigil

butter was softer, ice was not there

flowers withered with petals hanging

reds were forgone and ash was in

the icy heart alone defied the summer

The ThisThat Gate

I woke up feeling quite low. So I picked up a full bottle of vodka and off I go.

I walk through these unfamiliar streets of a sleepy coastal town.

Taking wild swigs off of the bottle, strangers' eyes wouldn't meet.

It's like they have already classified me a lush, and have beaten a hasty retreat.

I pay no mind as I keep on drinking, though at a distance I see an old flame & her mother get out of a car

Strangely this shames me somehow and I sidestep into what I thought was a bar.

Turns out it is a frat house and the party is at full swing.

I go from room to room, like a fly on the wall

Everyone is happy and seem to be having a ball.

I kept climbing up the stairs. until at the end I was walking down a hall.

At the end there was a balcony overlooking the sea

And a scenic coastline calling out to me.

I am stuck by a perfectly rectangular  opening on the cliffside, opening directly onto the sea

"What is that?", I asked the next guy who walked past me

"Oh, that is The ThisThat Gate.", He said offhandedly.

I was fascinated and obsessed, like a moth to the flame

I had to go there and no excuse felt lame.

I hurried on home and, strangely, felt sober along the way

I saw my maid was doing the dishes as I tried to make sense of my day.

I began packing and also throwing away things, systematically.

When I realized that I really only needed for the trip was just me.

Without another word or worrying about closing up the house behind me, I go

I slip out of the gate in the falling darkness. Something is amiss, but I just don't know

I walked about a mile before it struck me that I was not wearing a shirt and I almost felt embarrassed.

Then I look down and I saw that I was strangely ripped.

Not like a professional bodybuilder but just fit & toned.

I backtracked to my house to find a shirt and found the maid sitting outside crying softly

I asked her why and what went wrong.

She told me that she ran out of water before she was all done and

Didn't know what to make of this misery that upon her was brung.

I told her to go home and not to worry about it.

I told her the keys would be under the mat tomorrow and if I wasn't home, she shouldn't worry about it either.

And then I walked away...

*From a dream I managed to recollect for once in some detail. From the Lost & Found department of my mailbox. And also 1st post of the year, so Happy New Year to the Exodians! Far may your brains wander!

inaccuracies in nostalgic images and heartburn caused by it

what was the number on that door
was the number on the door or above it
was the paint grey or green
was there paint
did it smell like urine or fresh soil when it rained

was i in the room or in the corridor
was the room bolted
was it silent
was it lonely or over crowded
was i good at the game i played and did i clear the final level

The Kick.........

alas! the kick.....

all the seconds that took him to splash in 

he looked like a tadpole, curled into a mirror c shape

the impulse of the kick on his belly, making him spit out water...

his vision blurred, that of his kicker..

and the astounded onlookers...

from the moment he was lifted into air..

by the impulse of the kick, 

until his hits the water thats below...

this is all the time that is there for the universe to create something...

to alter the outcome, to pave a new path,

to open a new dimension...

or just lay back and see how the physics unfold....

Jim Carrey would say there are only 3 elements to a kick....

the kicker, the kick and the kickee....

what he perceives as one instant, is so fulfilling and mindbogglingly complex...

because at this instant , although his conscious mind is trying to understand..

the lack of gravity he is experiencing because of the fall...

the excruciating pain because of the kick  ....

and the muted world around him as he hears only his scream..

his subconscious mind is actually toying with several memories and thoughts ...

crunching out infinite equations in his super quantum computer brain ...

adding parallel definitions to his physical fall.... 

and his mental rise or oblivion...

Footnote: if you are wondering whats with the dots (.....) , i found that i can do away with all punctuation in English language and replace them with 2 "dot" and space (not technically a punctuation) 

Footnote 2: I want to rewrite this... But I am too lazy to edit or rephrase!

A healthy disrespect

It is nearly two months since I quit my old job, took an idealistic stand and 2/3rds paycut. There was a part of me that was convinced that I was doing the right thing, another that acknowledged that this driven partly by boredom, and minor third that was just scared shitless.


So 2 months in, what do I think of my decision? Best decision ever. I had fallen into a rut, a captivity of negativity and soul crushing boredom at my previous workplace. I was actively slacking but no one could see it. Even if they saw it, an acknowledgement was as damning on them as it might have been on me. So I was coasting on the momentum generated by the first three years of my career. A five year freewheel based on that push. Funnily enough, I got most of my, perhaps undeserved, rewards during this phase. I don't dwell on it much. In the long run things always balance out.


Back to my present situation, I am still in not that dramatic a changeover. My work still sucks from time to time. But there is potential for new and interesting stuff, so I am at it. There is a sense that I am perhaps idling my engine on this job. At least I don't take home an outlandish paycheck that guilts me.


And the paycheck...While there was some fear at the beginning if my lifestyle of material excesses would be able to adjust to the relative impoverishment, I think I am pretty well adjusted quickly on that front. But an unexpected side effect of the paycheck is that I seem to be more willing to speak my mind when my boss comes and asks me, "What is your honest opinion about how I run things here?". Consequences be damned, it is a rush to speak my mind. Of course within reason and the constraints of polite conversation and my boss quite reasonably invited criticism in a private setting than a public forum.


For the first time in 8-9 years, I have been spending time on things that interest me outside of work. Two python programming classes. One upcoming cryptography class and another on sociology. The limits that we once placed on ourselves are disappearing, but to sense them fading you have walk towards them. And it is crazily exciting. I do not know what the future holds for me, but I do know that there is less time than ever to get hung up on bullshit.


Do the things you love. Find some way to pay the bills while making your dream happen. If your work and your passion are the same, you are probably one of the lucky minority. If they aren't don't sweat it and get stuck in a web of dissatisfaction. Just keep a healthy disrespect for your job, get it to pay the bills and make sure it doesn't spill over into other parts of your life. Don't get sucked into playing an office politics game. It is never worth the effort. Someone wants to screw you over and get promoted. Let them. If you continue to get paid without having to care so much about it, you are coming out a winner.


Thus ends this ramble. I have barely been blogging, but when I do it is usually negative abstract crap. But this is the peppiest I have ever been! It is a good life, if you let it be one.