Crib Season - Episode 4
6.30 in the morning. The silver alto looks like a bullet on the relatively free kunnamkulam - thrissur NH47. 80 km/hr, not bad. I've got an appointment with the doctor. Need to rush! There is a gentle fog, which adds to the eerie early morning experience. Double strong Red Label Tea is what keeps me awake. Out of nowhere, an autorickshaw appears on the wrong side, circles on the middle, breaks, moves forward, breaks again... confused driver? drunken driver? out of control? I dont know. Nevertheles, the universe decided to say "NO" to my best efforts to keep away from him. Thud!( Initial Contact), Chlimblimbilim! (Mirrors), Plop! Spfeeeee (Tyres)
My left fender crumpled and dug a dent into the giant (this was not a normal auto, looked like a tractor with autorickshaws bodywork) autorickshaw's rear, left door jammed, mirror lay scattered, plastics reins holding the engine to the body broke, left tyre punctured, front seat passenger aghast, mud flaps twisted and choked... I came to a punctured halt. The road is still quiet. We parked the car immediately and hopped on to the next bus. The Doctor's appointment is too precious to be lost for the petty thousands we could get from the poor auto driver. On his side, half a day's paint and dent work would do fine.
Why ?
Dividers: There are no dividers. So, cyclists, human beings, dogs, cats, cars or anything mobile can CROSS the road anywhere! You need to be extra alert for the ... CROSSINGS (aargh!) crossings happen left to right, right to left, middle to left, left to middle, middle to right, right to middle, at an angle, may take a parabolic path, may suddenly stop , think and then move forward OR may stop , think and turn a U-Turn to go back to where they started. In short, the possibilities are immense... the best you can do is "SOUND HORN OK PLEASE". Which means, use horn no less than once every 10 seconds, announcing your arrival. Cyclists and human beings dont have REAR VIEW MIRRORS, Autos, Cars and Buses dont use them. So, no-one is bothered about the main road user's priviliges, when he or she enters from a pocket road. The rule is "DIVE STRAIGHT IN.. GOD will SAVE US". No driving school teaches you to use mirrors.
Road Width: The breadth of the road varies from 3 feet to 13 feet. Turn a quick turn on a super highway, and dont be surprised to find a BRIDGE where only ONE vehicle can pass at a time! So, if you grew accustomed to say moderatly wide roads for about 30 minutes and decide to Overtake... hold your horses, you dont know what lies ahead! Caution: This width is not guaranteed ahead. Lets take a normal National Highway, NH47 in kerala. Average Width of the road: 13 feet.Width of 1 Tata Bus: 6.4 feet. So, if two buses are moving in the opposite direction, they have 6 centimetres distance, between them. And the buses routinely do 80-90 km/hr. Wait a minute! Are buses the only vehicles ? The smallest car (alto) has a width of 4.8 feet, so cannot pass through the 6 centimetre gap. If the bus ahead stops for something, all vehicles behind stop. There are no footpaths, so human beings and cyclists sometimes occupy 1-2 feet. Motorbikes take 3 feet or drive in the middle. Which means, there is no choice but to Overtake!
Overtaking: The direct consequence of the above mentioned eeny weeny Road Width. Everybody overtakes. Without it there is no go. Even if you are the slowest vehicle on the road, what if the Gujarat Registration Granite Truck decides to stop abruptly on the elevating road, because he's seen a sign ? "TODDY SHOP". Even your Avanti will have to overtake him, or you have 6 centimetres to pass through, or you wait till he has finished and gets back into the truck. Not everybody has the same control in overtaking. So its wrong to believe that, on the wrong side, a bus overtaking a car overtaking a cycle overtaking a dog (All in the same lane), will safely pass through. Following the width rules mentioned above, you have no space to pass through!!! So you wait, until the bus has passed you. Your speed calculation cannot account for things like, what if the tea drinking bypasser decides to bend down to pick up a 10 rupee note? or what if the motor cyclist loses his balance because of the side stand ?
Autorickshaws: Autorickshaws have one wheel in the front , which makes them believe they have the same privileges as two wheelers, and can squeeze their nose into any gap between vehicles. Autorickshaws are also the ONLY vehicles which can take an abrupt 90 degree turn, when they are running at 60 kmph. Why ? Thanks again to the SINGLE front wheel. If an auto wants to move from your left to right, what does he do? Put his stinky nose a.k.a front wheel in, you dont want to step over that single innocent wheel. But hey, its not only the wheel, there's a body to follow... so wait!
Swaraj Round (Thrissur): Truly, The freedom circle. A 20 feet wide circular display of human beings mixed modes of transport every conceived in a colourfull (polluted), musical (horns / swearing), circus! No lanes, Two set of signals, atleast 12-14 entry/exit points. No Lanes! No Lanes! No Lanes! Mixed traffic. The best thing to do here is to focus on what you see in the front. Yes, dont think about your sides, or back, just focus on what appears through the front screen. Hey, watch out for people running helker skelter, cars parked on the right, and taking reverse, buses stopping abruptly to pickup people, autorickshaws changing lanes like sperms, and occasionaly, a traffic police officer wondering why you are not wearing seat-belt!
Crazy bikers: Dear brothers at their own risk. Personally, I dont have the time to think about them, if they are cross cutting lanes, recovering from pot-holes, or balancing at the edge of road and about to fall, trying to balance passenger, luggage, helmet, clutch, break, gear and show an hand-signal. Overtake at your own risk.
phew!
Should I stop using Commas and Parantheses?
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